more steak than sizzle

a hitchin'

2010-08-07T20:27:00.003-07:00

to really call this a blog, i need to write about the social event of the season. the wedding of jenna and gareth. it was, by any measure, epic. i will proceed to write a few of the highlights.

a. the drive. a good reconnect with pete, lots of homemade sandwiches and a swim in moose lake. plus, my truck is the bomb.

b. a friend reunion. i got to see my best victoria friends and my best edmonton friends all in the same place. it was christmas in july.

c. a pedicure and manicure. girl bonding time and general hilarity all around. and she managed to paint on a toenail (i lost a toenail after the half marathon in halifax) that actually stayed!

d. more free alcohol than i could handle. thankfully this never got me into too much trouble.

e. a delicious nest bed on the floor of jenna's grandma's house. i am still dreaming about it.

f. the following comment when my hairstyle become the complete fiasco of the wedding morning:

me: "jenna, we're trying! nothing's working!"
jenna: "well you should have practiced."
me: "i did practice.."
jenna: "well you should have practiced harder!"

i was in the bad books all day. oh well. it was worth it. plus, i would be in my own bad books if it was my wedding. but really.. ALL DAY.

g. the reception. it was off the hook. a full night of dancing, mooning, drinking, more dancing, more drinking, the electric slide, and about a gazillion other things i have no recollection of.

h. decorating jenna's car! even though it took us about 5 hours to actually mobilize the troops to get this going the end product was awesome.

i. the farm party. amazing fun times with sarina. everyone else was there, but i haven't had a good hang out with sarina since high school and it was so super good to spend time with her and generally be hilarious together. the mosquitos were a non-highlight. that was almost a week ago and my bites are still itchy.

j. breakfast at the red bull. it was just fun and chill and it felt like old times in victoria.

k. seeing my baba on the way home. i love that woman. she made pete and i perogies and i said goodbye for the last time before i go to china. i'll talk to her on the phone but it was our last hug. plus, i surprised her which was totally awesome!

l. seeing a bear on the drive home!

okay, i'm sure i'll come up with more but this is good for now. it was amazing. if i ever thought i wanted to have a wedding i've changed my mind because it could never come close to the amazingness of this one.

the end.

memo3

2010-07-23T10:08:00.001-07:00

re: goal #3. bake a pie from scratch.

memo2

2010-07-21T21:26:00.002-07:00

re: goal #12. do the penticton river run this summer.

such a let down! totally not a necessary achievement before i hit the big two five. but my sisters and i trekked down there in the focus - windows open and music cranked, pointing out our dream homes - hopped on our floaties and set out. it only took 45 minutes to get to where we were being picked up, when it should normally take an hour and a half, and that was that. but, at least i did it! and it was a gorgeous day. and my sisters were there.

the best part was when my dad was giving us a tour of penticton and as we pulled up to this one intersection a police officer was there and ended up writing my littlest sister a ticket for not wearing her seatbelt. i could not stop laughing for about half an hour while my sister stood in the street in her bikini giving the cop her particulars. and she's only 15 so my dad actually got the ticket. but man, it was a good one!

y'allberta

2010-07-09T22:21:00.002-07:00

off to edmonton tomorrow.
something about going to edmonton, the idea of going to edmonton, just fills me with joy. even though at some point during this trip i will have to break the news to my baba and my aunt that i am going to china. they are the only two people in my family who don't know (this has required some crafty work that i don't feel totally good about) and the two people who will take it the hardest. that's the only the thing to not look forward to. so on that note i present the things i am looking forward to:

1. jenna's stagette #2: this will be a ton a ton of fun even if i do have to wear a dress (i wish i didn't read that part of the email and then i could be off the hook).

2. myrnam: my favorite place in the world. i don't go there very often and it's not glamorous but really, it's the only place that has always been there since i was little and it really feels like home.

3. chianti: i could die and go to heaven.

4. west ed: i feel like since edmonton is where i'm from (it even said "Sherwood Park, Alberta" as my hometown in my convocation program) this shouldn't be a big deal but oh lordy, i am stoked.

5. three in the bed: not sure if this will actually happen but there have been nights in the past when i snuggled in with gareth and jenna. that sounds creepier than it actually was. basically jenna and i laughed and took pictures for about 2 hours while gareth tried to sleep because he had to wake up extra early for work.

6. the prairie: have you ever been to the prairie in the summer? it is like nothing you have ever seen. big open sky, yellow fields of canola, animals, barns, all that stereotypical stuff but it just fills me with all kinds of awe.

7. the storms: cross your fingers that i won't miss them all!

8. perogies: this kind of goes hand in hand with myrnam but you guys, you guys, the perogies. and my sister and i are gonna make them with my baba!

9. being away from here: not that i don't like kelowna, i do (well, i like my family) but i just need a change of scenery and this is gonna be a great one!

i was trying to get to ten but i got stumped! oh well. 9 is good. they are big umbrella things so i covered most of my bases i think.

memo

2010-07-04T14:38:00.004-07:00

re: goal #20. turn jeffrey into an outdoor cat.

june 29th at around 9:30pm, jeffrey went missing. i'd been experimenting with letting him outside. he would typically wander around the yard for an hour or two, eat some grass, watch the birds, and then come back in. he spent a couple of nights outside, totally by accident, but each morning he would be hiding under my dad's car waiting to come in at about 6am. but he wasn't there the next morning. we kept thinking he'd saunter up, walked around calling him, shaking the treat bag, still no jeffrey. i am a big proponent of cat instinct. i'm not sure why but i really believe that cat's can figure shit out on their own. if jeff wasn't coming home he was probably off skulking around the neighbourhood and he'd make his way back when he was good and ready. it was his first real taste of freedom. there was the thought that he got spooked (or killed..) by a bird or coyote or something, but we live in the burbs and it didn't seem that realistic. a car could have got him too but that theory was also rejected. so, we wandered around the neighbourhood calling him. everyone was pretty upset (probably my dad more than anyone because my dad fucking loves that cat) and there was still no sign of him. we were ready to start putting up posters on the mailbox and calling the animal shelters in case he wound up there. but my dad went for a walk yesterday morning into this vineyard bush place that's near the end of our street. he was just walking through the bush, calling him, and he heard some meowing but he couldn't figure out where it was coming from. he'd call for jeffrey, jeffrey would meow back, and my dad was wandering all over the place. finally my dad looked up. way way way up and saw jeffrey sitting on a tree branch at least 40 feet up this pine tree. poor little guy! he'd probably been sitting there since the night he went missing. we figure a coyote chased him up there because there is a coyote den close by there (according to the guy who owns the property we found him on). so, we ended up having to call a tree service and this guy climbed the tree like a crazy monkey. it was awesome. he had these spikey boot attachment things and up he went. no big deal. it was really cool actually and finally jeffrey was home!

so, i'm just gonna say that this goal was accomplished. not sure if jeffrey will be an outdoor cat or not (i don't want him to but he still really wants to get outside) but he had a chance at least. and now he's been past out for the last 24 hours and he only wakes up to go eat or drink.

does writing a whole long story about this make me an epically huge cat lady? oh well, he's a rad cat so i'm okay with it!

25 before 25

2010-06-28T23:14:00.003-07:00

1. Visit the Great Wall of China
2. Run 10km in under 55 minutes
3. ~~Bake a pie from scratch~~
4. Wear dresses more
5. Become adept at Photoshop
6. Write a short story
7. Begin to understand financial matters
8. Work on my abs
9. Take up flossing
10. Significantly reduce my pop consumption
11. ~~Be a more adventurous eater~~
12. ~~Do the Penticton river run this summer~~
13. Maintain some French
14. Take Taylor to Silverwood
15. Do 3 unassisted chin-ups
16. Send letters and postcards and care packages
17. ~~Get a nice(r) camera~~ and learn how to use it
18. Become a Yes Man
19. Experiment with being gluten-free
20. ~~Turn Jeffrey into an outdoor cat~~
21. ~~Go to the World Expo in Shanghai~~
22. Enjoy summer mornings on the deck
23. ~~Challenge myself as a teacher~~
24. Remember the secret
25. Be grateful to turn 25

(inspired by my topography.)

oh panic

2010-06-25T10:44:00.005-07:00

okay, i'm just gonna come out and say it.

i'm having pre-china panic.

i suppose that is totally normal but i was expecting this to arrive on about august 15, four days before i leave when i realize the sheer enormity of the adventure i'm embarking on, not on june 20ish with two months to go. i can find a few reasons about why this is happening right now. the first is that i started writing my "25 before 25" life goals and i realized that i have no idea how to write goals for while i'm in china and i'm going to be in china almost the entirety of my 24th year. the goals are general, vague, and as soon as i finish them up (5 to go - suggestions are welcome) i'll post them up here. the other is that in nova scotia all my friends were talking about doing the regular immersion program during the school year and making plans to visit and discussing their wide open futures and they could do anything! and i just panicked, realizing that really, for the first time in my life, i've made plans that are non-negotiable. i'll be in china until at least this time next year and it's set in stone. that freaks the shit out of me. i suppose that's what it means to be a grownup. i am 24, after all, and the only thing i'm tied to is a contract. for a job. where i'll get paid a substantial amount of money. in china. i am really excited about it. but I'M GOING TO CHINA! WTF! sometimes, with taylor or jenna or whoever, we'll just have moments of:
"i'm going to china"
"you're going to china!"
"that's crazy!"
"i mean, china!"
"i know!"
"i can't believe it!"
"me neither!"
and then we laugh but really i'm like "oh god i'm going to china i'm not ready to go to china what if i don't like it what if i get food poisoning what if there is a pandemic what if it's too hard what if i'm not a good teacher what if i don't have the right clothes what if the kids don't like me what if i'm not ready in time oh god i'm going to china!" i'm actually not afraid about china, i'm sure it's an awesome place, but just the leaving. the being gone. i'm already missing things and people i haven't even said goodbye to.

probably i will look at this in a few days (weeks? months?) and laugh but right now i am not laughing.

okay, laughing a little. but not because it's a joke. only because i feel silly. someone tell me i am just being normal!

shlog

2010-06-23T15:18:00.000-07:00

je veux ecrire quelque chose en francais, mais c'est difficil parce que mon clavier n'est pas en francais et je ne veux pas prendre une heure pour checher les accents.

so i'll write this bad boy in english. i like that i'm blogging a bit more now. not consistently, really. not yet. but more than i have in a couple years. it's nice to build up the ideas for a few days (ok, weeks) and then spit them out. or sit down and hammer something out really quick. long story short, i'm enjoying this blog thing again. even if it isn't as important to me as it was when i first got it going. i'm still going to find a new space before i go to china. i thought the china blog would be a travel blog, but really it'll be a life blog. my life will be in china. that's an interesting thought.

i'm home from nova scotia. i wish i could define all the ways that being there changed me, but it's impossible. it was easily the best thing i could have done and not because of the french, although the french was awesome, but because of the place and the people and what it did to me. believe it or not (i know you believe it), i'm not very good at letting people in or creating relationships and social situations make me all kinds of awkward. but it was different there and i came away from it with a gazillion new friends, 4 or 5 that i consider to be good friends, really good friends, and just a new perspective. i would like to rewind time and go back there. any day of the week, and week of the session, it was all just so fucking good. but no can do so i'm just trying to be all zen and focus on how grateful i am for the experience. and that is a whole lotta grateful.

anyway. that's all for now. i have a gazillion chores to get done, a gazillion trips to take (think: edmonton, vancouver, saskatoon, coeur d'alene, china), and a serious sleep debt i need to repay. this will be the first wednesday in six weeks that i won't be totally annihilated drunk, my body is thankful but my mind is not.

franglais

2010-06-11T14:09:00.002-07:00

i want to write something about being here but i don't know how. i'm a different person here, that's for dang sure. i don't think i'm any more or less different than myself, it's just a strange environment. like cramming all of first year res into five weeks. think: drinking, last minute homework, frisbee, drinking and generally goofiness. but i'm 24 now and a little bit more mature (ha! joke!). i get drunk at least 3 nights a week and we have an ongoing promise to have at least one beer a night. i live in the best residence on campus, in my opinion, and we call ourselves a family and say cheesy stuff like "toujours tout le monde" and "on a gagne dans nos coeurs". tonight our residence is hosting a keg party and i'm dressing up like a 1950s housewife. but i actually really love the dress i'll be wearing, even though i can't really do kegstands in it. the director of the program bought me a beer on wednesday night and we spent about ten minutes talking about when i would come back to the university and working on my pronunciation of the word "but". that one definitely gets me. i have an awesome roommate but when i'm drunk i sleepover with my friend down the hall. sleepover isn't a euphemism for anything, by the way. i listen to french music, watch french tv shows, read french books (sorta) and when i get drunk i go from intermediare 3 to advance 1. and sometimes i sneak into my room and listen to abba with my headphones in. i can drink almost anyone here under the table yet i've only been hungover once. and when i start feeling trapped there is always someone willing to walk down to the kwikway, to the beach or to play tennis/frisbee/soccer/basketball/etc. with. i feel like this is probably the best thing i could have ever done with my life right now. a full on let loose fun time before i jump into a "career". what the fuck, eh? me? career? those words do not belong in the same sentence. but alas, here i am. i'll start thinking about that when i get back. but really. i have one week left here. which is actually a fairly substantial amount of time but it'll fly by and then it'll be time to say seeya later. in english!

anyway, that's the news. i'm loving it. but really, as each day goes by i start thinking more and more about the things i need to do to get ready for china and i'm ready to get that started too. plus, my car and my cat miss me. i know they do!

2010-06-01T18:54:00.001-07:00

i get emails from club nintendo. true story.

lurning

2010-05-31T18:51:00.003-07:00

i feel like i have finally learned how to learn. i don't really have a better way to explain it. i feel like in high school and university i never really learned anything. that's not the best thing to say but really, i learned enough to pass an exam or do a project or write an essay and then it was gone. but something happened during my practicum and into this french program. all of a sudden i can just be like "hmm, i better learn that" or "hmm, i'd like to learn that" and there it is. i taught romeo and juliet like i'd been studying it all my life. i just taught myself conditionnel passe because i missed that day in class and had to puzzle it out. no big deal. anyway. it feels good.

and french is awesome, ps.
writing in english is a super weird experience. none of this makes sense to me.

run run

2010-05-23T18:09:00.004-07:00

as we speak jenna and i are in our hotel room in halifax. jenna is texting and watching miss congeniality 2. i am eating a mcflurry (i had my one bite so i am pretty satisfied) and catching up on baseball news. yeah blue jays.

this morning we ran the blue nose marathon. well, jenna ran the blue nose marathon and i ran/walked the half marathon. i actually finished this time so that's an accomplishment in itself. and my knee feels great! but i have this cold and i was coughing so hard i kept puking in my mouth. yum yum. the first ten km were awesome. the last eleven were the death of me. not literally. figuratively.

today we ventured a bit around nova scotia. to peggy's cove, lunenberg, mahone bay, and some other random places. everything is like you'd except, or maybe nice. the houses are oldish and lovely, painted a huge assortment of lovely colours. we trekked around, ate lobster dinner, discussed our post race emotions (jenna = relief, happiness at having a wicked time / taryn = indifference), and ate a few random treats that we felt okay about since we did a pretty good amount of exercise. read: mcdonald's. nova scotia is an absolutely gorgeous place. if i ever do a master's program or anything like that i would really think about heading this way. it might just be the place for me. and i might say that about every place i've ever traveled.

and the french! oh man. i got a weekend pass out of the program but it took a good two days before i could understand what people were saying because i kept listening for french and i could not understand english. imagine what i'll be like in 4 more weeks. but yes, it's going really well. it's super hardcore but i'm in intermediate 3, which is pretty good, and it's all french all the time. except maybe in my room with my roommate or the odd english word you just can't find a way to explain through 15 minutes of charades. i really love it though. extra love. everyone is sooo nice and i love french and i'm learning poi and it's just a great time. i'm gonna be a french pro, maybe. and then i'll go to china.

okay that's all for now.
i have a feeling that tomorrow i will not even be able to walk. that's a very real possibility.

also. at this hotel they have cucumber water. just water with a bunch of cucumbers in it. it is my new beverage of choice. oh yes.

okay that's really all.

immersion

2010-05-14T17:25:00.002-07:00

i'm leaving tomorrow, in the wee hours of the morning, for nova scotia. apparently i won't be able to speak a word of english for the five weeks i'm there - minus the time i sneak away to halifax to adventure with jenna and "run" a half marathon. i'm in it for the t-shirt. i have no idea what to expect. i'm sure there are people out there who could enlighten me but i kinda like it this way. my basement floor is totally covered with the "bare essentials". i always liked the idea of being a light packer but i've never been able to master it. and i always envy the people who can travel with what looks like a really small bag but seem to have an endless supply of outfits. i'm just doomed to be an overpacker. or, occasionally, an extreme underpacker - something that has led to disappointments in the past. long story short, i am turning this packing into a much bigger deal than it probably needs to be BUT i am going for five weeks which is quite a while. or it at least seems to be when i'm on this end of it.

i've spent the last week poolside and my whole body has a case of prickly heat. i hate the prickly heat. even the pool can't cure it. but it was a cooker here today. i do love that about kelowna. a lot. i have also begun to use it as an excuse to not go for runs! that is so bad. but it is so hot i can't even handle it. i went for a run the other day and came back all red faced and wrongly assumed that it was just from exertion (i get red when i exercise like no one you've ever seen) but nope, it was a sunburn. but i got a nike plus thing. one of those little things that goes in your shoe and records all sorts of info about your runs. and i really like it. it's neat to see how it's going. i haven't logged too many miles on it yet (like i said, poolside) but i'm excited to put it through the paces in nova scotia. and i am excited for the ocean!

oh god am i excited for the ocean!

before moving to kelowna i spent 6 years living on island, many of those years living a few short blocks from the water, and i'm really missing it. i didn't realize it until i was in vancouver and the sight of the sea just got me. it has a power. i don't know what it is, but there is something about it. i've seen the atlantic before, but it was in florida and something about that just doesn't count for me. i want to see the north atlantic. the titanic atlantic. i cannot wait.

i'll keep you posted on my adventures.
maybe in french, maybe not.

tmax

2010-05-04T12:11:00.002-07:00

i'm facing this dilemma between starting a new blog as i start a new chapter of my life or keeping this blog as a way to document all the growth that has occurred since i set out at 18. it is a tough call. i think i'll mix it up. i feel that this blog, as great as it has been in the past, has come to limit me. it's purely psychological, of course, but the idea of a refresh is appealing. the blog posts here won't disappear, i have them all and looking back at them is continually enlightening. i'll let you know if there is ever a new link to add to your favorites. it will probably still be called taryntothemax, i don't think i can part with that.

in other news, i went for a run today (less than 3 weeks until i am scheduled to run a half marathon in halifax, i'd really hate to go 0 for 2). it felt really good, despite a weird attack of asthma breathing. my knee feels good, i just need to log some miles and get my head in the game. seriously, my head is not in the game at all and i am realizing that this is 90% to blame for my running failure (the other 10% i am attributing to my knee). that's exciting. i leave for nova scotia in less that two weeks. for five whole glorious weeks. i can't wait. there was a time in my life when five weeks would have felt like an ETERNITY but now it just feels like a weekend. it would probably feel more substantial except i am going to china for TWO WHOLE YEARS. now that is an ETERNITY. and i can't wait!

b.ed.

2010-05-03T10:49:00.002-07:00

as i drove out of the parking lot of the school on friday i had this intense feeling of disbelief and exhilaration. it just seems so unreal that everything i've worked towards for the last 6 years was over, and it ended in the exact same way that every other school day has ended since january. i cleaned up my desk, packed up my bag, hopped in my car, and cruised up the hill home. but that was it. it was done. i still can't quite believe it. i feel like there will never be the words i need to fully express this feeling. it's part relief, part disbelief, part mind-boggle, part sadness, part jubilation, part this and part that. it's done. i just can't believe that it's done. i'm done.

hero's journey update!

2010-04-25T10:54:00.003-07:00

it's funny the mixed reviews i get when people find out that i am going to china.

reaction #1: that is so AWESOME!
(approximately 85% of all reactions)

reaction #2: that's great but, umm, have you been to china before?
(approximately 10% of all reactions)

reaction #3: what are you thinking?
(approximately 5% of all reactions)

so, mostly positive. somewhere in reaction type three is the reaction i got from my dad. he tried to be positive but his exact words were "if there is ever a pandemic, china is the worst place you could positively be." i love that guy.

but i am going. everyday it sinks in a little bit more as being real but i'm still waiting for the full impact of this decision. two years in china. two years!! this is my step one for me becoming an international citizen. i think it'll start really sinking in when i get all the info about my school, my subject, my flight information. it's less than four months away! that is totally bonkers. that is no time. a few weeks in kelowna, a few weeks in nova scotia, a few days in saskatoon, a visit with my baba, and i'm gone.

i am actually so excited i can't even stand it!

remember how i wrote a while ago about the hero's journey? i got stuck around step 5, crossing the threshold. but i think here it is. i'm leaving my ordinary world and entering a new one! and i shall return one day (in 2+ years!) with the elixir. that's the read i'm getting on it right now. i'll keep you posted.

love, once again,
your hero

meet me in chongqing

2010-04-21T18:30:00.002-07:00

i got the contract!
of the people i know who interviewed four out of six got contracts. i'm not exactly how they made the choices they did (meaning: certain picks were not ones i would have made) but overall, i'm glad to be going with people i know.

so yes,
i signed it. i really signed it. today! and i faxed it in! and all my applications are in the mail! and things are happening for me!

i'm off to chongqing. supposedly the biggest city in china, maybe the biggest city in the world.

and you know what that means.
travel blog!!

teacher

2010-04-17T15:56:00.002-07:00

so, the interview.

i'm not really sure how it went. he said i look like a partier. but i think he meant it as a good thing because right after that he said he was looking to put together a group of 5 social young people to go to a school that it is in a more rural area. haha. but yeah. i should find out in a week or two. fingers crossed. but sort of not. the nice thing about not getting it is that then i don't have the decision to make. but, then again, i want it. i at least want the choice to be mine.

two more week of my practicum! two more weeks of teacher clothes and classroom management and photocopier mishaps. i'll miss it, i really will. but it'll be nice to be free. to be a university graduate. a teacher.

a teacher!

last class a girl, who is not the keenest of kids, said that i explain things really well. i don't know why but that stuck with me as a really huge compliment. she just said it kind of offhand, there may have been an f word that slipped out, but she meant it.

sometimes (all the time) i don't know how to react to kids who say fuck. i mean, i say it all the time. but there's a difference between when i overhear it and when it is shouted across the field/room at someone. i usually just give it a "not in my class" and let it slide. it's interesting though. those little things.

i will miss this. hopefully i won't spend too long without it, though.

life choices

2010-04-15T16:24:00.002-07:00

i am getting an excellent on my practicum report. not a good or a satisfactory. an excellent! i didn't realize it was that big of a deal but apparently it will make all the difference if i ever want to get on the toc list in the district, or in any popular district for that matter. i honestly don't feel like i'm doing an excellent job. 90% of the time i feel like i am just flying by the seat of my pants. but i have fun. i am enthusiastic. it feels natural. and so i am getting an excellent. i'm glad it hasn't worn off, my initial love of teaching. i thought it might. i thought i might get into it and realize that it wasn't for me. it hasn't happened yet.

but.

i am nervous about this china thing. my interview is tomorrow and i just don't know. i would love to go, i mean come on, but it's a long time. it's far away. i like what i'm doing here. i like my life right now. i actually love my life right now. this isn't like me. i'm usually focused on the next best thing. so it's tricky to think about leaving it behind. but then again, once this practicum is done there isn't a lot to keep me here. my family, of course. the lake. the way it stays warm, in the summer, even after the sun sets. but there are no jobs here. i don't have a place. i do have a cat, the sweetest cat ever, but he has a home waiting for him. so. what to do. i just have the sense of urgency. i may not even get a job, but if i do, it'll be a quick decision. yes or no. and if i don't get it, where do i go? everyone says i should get on the list here, put in my time, there will be work for me, and see what happens in terms of getting a contract. but i've always said that's the last thing i want. but maybe it's not? i don't know. oh man. dilemmas.

thankfully, this is an exciting decision. oh do i want to go to china and make money and have crazy adventures or do i want to stay here, in one of the most beautiful places in the world? oh woe is me.

i'll keep you posted.

+/-

2010-04-06T17:11:00.003-07:00

+ the grade eight volleyball team i help coach won the zone championships last thursday.

+ i got an unreal reference letter from one of my sponsor teachers.

+ i have a job interview with maple leaf schools on april 17th-ish. that would mean committing to at least a year in china, but probably two. i was so so so gung-ho about this plan but now i have to give it a good think. these are exciting decisions though!

+ only 18 more teaching days left! this is actually a +/- because i'll be so glad to be done but i'll be sad to leave my school and my students. i've grown pretty attached.

+ i started playing the stock market (actually my dad plays it on my behalf) and i'm making money.

+ i went to edmonton and got to eat at chianti, see lots of my friends, visit my baba, and inspire jenna with my love of nailpolish and this one type of starbucks travel mug (alie knows about this mug, i think).

+ i took a risk with some facebook stalkery and it looks like it may have paid off.

+ i got into the explore program so i get to spend 5 weeks in nova scotia in may/june.

- i am meant to be running another half marathon in halifax but i have not trained even slightly and still haven't seen a physio yet about my knee. i feel like this will be a recurring pattern in my life. oh wait, it already is.

- marking. oh my gosh the marking. so much marking to do.

cupcakery

2010-03-20T17:51:00.003-07:00

happy spring!
2010
six years of cupcake making spring bliss.

and today, for the very first time, i made homemade cupcakes. meaning to say. they didn't come out of a box. they don't have little flecks of color. and they actually have a flavour. how about that? also, for the first time, they are chocolate cupcakes. and also, for the first time, i tried a new icing recipe. not so happy with the results, i kinda messed it up a bit, but it's the thought that counts! also, for the first time, no pictures. look at me, mixing it up.

colorado was amazing.
i start teaching again on monday (poetry! ultimate!).
i'm going to edmonton for easter.
i'm figuring my life out, little by little.

oh, also, i drive the coolest car in the world. a picture of that will definitely come soon!

the next big thing

2010-03-10T01:04:00.003-08:00

i've wanted to write here for a while now. tonight my soccer team celebrated our season ending 11-1 loss with a few pitchers so why not write now. write now right now. that is a drunk mind at work. though not drunk. just that little buzz, the one i feel first in my cheeks and then in my sense of humor. i still think i am allergic to alcohol. one drink and my face is hot and blotchy. although maybe that is just an excuse for being a lightweight. who knows?

here's what i wanted to say.

i want to write. i want to write a million things. poetry, first. i want to write poems. i don't care if people read them. really, i don't care. i just want the words to travel down from whatever cortex or lobe in my brain makes words and ideas and invests them with feeling and out my finger tips onto the keyboard or paper or the glass of the shower door. i want to write prose. i want to journal. i just want to put meaningful ideas into words. i want to express myself is what it comes down to. that's a starting point, i suppose, but it has to be more than want. it has to be need. it is getting to be. my fingers itch. i hold a pen in my hands and draw mindless circles, over and over until they fill the page. the words will come. i know it. i am committed to this.

i have been reading poetry all day every day. my next unit is poetry. i am hooked again. all of a sudden i am remembering the high school days when brianna would leave little paint swatches in the pages of poetry books at our school library and i would dig through the books, find these little bookmarks, and devour whatever poem was there. and then i'd keep going. e.e. cummings. Robert Frost. Michael Ondaatje. and so on and so forth until i read my library out of poems. or at least poems that i deemed worth reading. i've always been a critic. once i competed in a local speech competition. it was part of speech & debate club. i was in grade ten and i read birches by robert frost. it is still one of my all time favorite poems. i placed third and qualified for provincials. but the teachers went on strike and provincials were cancelled that year. my debate team was supposed to go too. then the next year our teacher sponsor dropped out and my speech & debate ambitions were squashed. so i started playing sports. when one door closes, i guess.

but this is mostly what i wanted to say.

i am happy. for the first time in i can't even say how long i am happy. it isn't just this fleeting, this too shall pass, feeling of happiness. it's a deep down, in my hands, onwards and upwards feeling of happiness. i don't know what to attribute it to, exactly. this feeling that for the first time in a long time i can see a future that is full of promise. and it's my own fault i didn't feel it sooner. my own fault for not believing in myself enough to a) trust in my original desire to be a teacher or b) trusting in my belief that i did not want to be a teacher and changing paths. but instead i stayed on a path that i firmly believed wasn't the right one. the path that wasn't meant for me. and suddenly i'm here. faced with a future that absolutely terrifies me because of it's uncertainty. but one that also fills me with the greatest sense of optimism that i've ever had. this is my life. i'm doing something that i love and i will continue to have opportunities to do this thing i love, as long as i make them. the last time i had this feeling, this sense that the whole world was laid out at my feet for me to do with as i please, was probably when i graduated high school and moved to victoria. after that it was all a plan. for 5 years, then 6. i enjoyed it, don't get me wrong. there were amazing times. from shotgun bitches and strobe lights to my first love and everything in between. but i was never as happy as i have felt lately. it just feels surreal. i'm used to this sense of "just 2 more years, just 3 more semesters, just my practicum". always waiting for the next big thing. and here it is.

so how about that?

gung-ho

2010-02-21T22:25:00.003-08:00

so, i was all gung-ho about this idea i had. my 5-10 year plan. it involved years of teaching overseas, taking more courses, going to med school. all these huge aspirations. and then i started my practicum and, trust me this surprises no one more than it surprises me, it turns out i kinda like teaching. more than kinda like it. i am excited about it. i have energy. i want to make the best handouts and design the best lesson plans and channel all this newfound energy into inspiring my students. inspiring them to find the beauty in friar laurence's soliloquy, to master the set-shot, to be there on time.. and a gazillion other things we haven't got to yet. and bigger things than that, eventually, i hope. things beyond romeo & juliet, beyond bump-set-spike and beyond the classroom all together. i just feel inspired. like hey, this is what i am meant to be doing. i am good at this. people recognized it in me, but i never saw it in myself. and that is me, through and through, never satisfied with what i've got.

this is just not what i expected. it throws a serious wrench in the gears.

it makes me regret the last 3 years i spent simply getting through this degree. putting in my time. waiting for something better. because this is awesome. this is totally awesome. and now i don't know what i want to do.

this is a hypothetical situation that i have placed in front of myself.. what if they offered me a contract? a full time, 1.0, real deal contract. say it was a pe/english one. but i'd have to commit. i'd have to stay. no chinakenyaargentinanunavutindonesia next year. would i take it? i really don't know. today, right now, i think i would. i think i could. and that really changes everything.

coffee

2010-01-23T14:04:00.004-08:00

I want to get back in the habit of writing and these seems like as good a place to do it as any. However, I always feel like I need to prove myself here. No, not prove myself. Just that I need to have something to say. And these days I really don't. A couple of weeks ago I dropped a full cup of coffee down the stairs and on the second bounce the lid popped off and coffee flew all over the white carpet and the beige walls. I then proceeded to let out a string of curse words that lasted for a solid 45 seconds until my mom came running and told me not to use language like that. She probably would have said something too if my little sister wasn't around because it was a mess. It took about four days to finally get it all out, using a baking soda and water mixture multiple times. Then, about two days later, I was in the car putting the lid on my travel mug, but I had filled it too full and coffee started pouring out the sides of the mug and all over my pants and the seat of my car. Thankfully the pants were black so I didn't have to a) go home and change, or b) walk around all day looking like I had some crazy sort of accident, but the seat of my car has a big stain on it that I've just been avoiding. Then, a few days ago, I was sitting on my parent's white couch and I asked Taylor to pass me my mug of coffee from the kitchen and as she reached forward I reached back and my hand collided with the mug, spilling coffee all over the white couch. Actually, it only splashed a bit, but on a white couch it sure looks a lot. So we whisper panicked so as to not alert my mom, who was downstairs. We soaked it all up and then flipped the cushion over but if you look close you can still see it a bit. If my mom says anything we'll both just play dumb. Maybe this is a sign that I should stop drinking (so much) coffee but I refuse to let that be the case. I've just started being more careful.

a note

2010-01-15T18:01:00.003-08:00

well, it's friday night so what better way to spend it than writing on here. oh yes. i know you all want an update on the progress of my hero journey. try to contain yourselves. it will come when i reach the next stage.

so. i'm in kelowna now. here is pointform list of things of note.

- i have found delicious sushi in a little market by house and i would eat it everyday but i am learning a skill called will power. is will power a skill? i sure hope it is.

- i have to leave my house at 8:27 every morning to be at my school by 8:30. i usually end up leaving at 8:33.

- i play rec volleyball with a very random assortment of people and it is hilarious and fun. we won on wednesday!

- i play on a women's indoor soccer team and get my ass kicked by women my mom's age every monday night. but i scored two goals in my first game so i feel like i have proven myself a little bit at least.

- i am nervous about teaching phys ed. my first unit is gymnastics and there will be kids hanging upside down on the rings. wtf!

- i have made zero friends. this is kind of sad but i have only really been here for like 10 days so i am not sweating it.

- i am going snowshoeing on sunday! i just made this plan right this instant and i am sticking to it.

- the shower here has amazing water pressure and i never knew what i was missing out on until now.

- it's probably time i get a kelowna phone number but i feel like this will cause problems since i always give out my cell number and i don't know who i need to update about it.

- i got a snuggie for christmas.

- and i had an amazing time in mexico at new years!

- i am going to the gym now! yes, what a friday!

hero's journey

2009-12-20T19:48:00.005-08:00

it seems a bit crazy to say this but the reason i made this blog was to document my adventures in victoria. i was 18, just heading off to university, and i wanted to blog about it. and blog i did. oh how i blogged.

and now, i'm done in victoria. not done university, mind you. not a grad. but i'm done in victoria. after 5.5 years. and this blog has always been here. sometimes it's had a more prominent role than others. it went strong for a long time and then slowly faded, but it's always been in the back of mind. i have a million entries and a million more drafts that i began to type and then abandoned for whatever reason.

and now i am heading on my way. on to whatever journey is next for me. well, a practicum first. but i know that will be a journey too. and in my head i've been thinking of my life in terms of the hero's journey.

really. and now i shall begin to spill my guts.

1. the ordinary world. my life last semester and through the summer. i wasn't happy, hadn't been for a long time.
2. the call to adventure. realizing i didn't have to stay in victoria for my practicum. the initial falling apart of my relationship.
3. the refusal of the call. the "let's make it work" portion of the relationship, the idea of being on my own after so long of being an us was just not appealing.
4. meeting a mentor. not sure who my mentor is/was specifically, but i know it happened. i got the kick of confidence i needed and was ready to let go.
5. crossing the threshold. moving to kelowna?

yeah, it gets kind of fuzzy. i leave my ordinary world and enter this new world. i'm still in the early stages (there are twelve). this is ultra dorky, i realize, but hero's journeys are happening all the time. i think i'm in a different hero's journey with school, or a similar one but i'd have to use different reference points. but seriously, at some point i will return back to the ordinary world (though i don't think that means victoria specifically) with the elixir!

anyway, it is a lot a lot a lot for me. but the point is this:

WTF?!

how can this be? how can i be done with what i set out to do in victoria? what i set out to do was having amazing life experiences, obtain a b.ed. and learn to surf. two outta three ain't bad. i'm happy. i am excited. but also not terrified. having all this potential, all this unplanned and unorganized time freaks me out. granted, i do have a four month practicum that i will probably spend the majority of making grandiose life plans. that's my style. plus, i'm totally over this practicum, in my mind it's as good as done (BAD ATTITUDE!).

anyway, my apartment still needs A LOT more lovin' so that i can get my damage deposit back tomorrow. dishpan hands over here.

love,
your reluctant hero

things in victoria that make me wanna stay

2009-12-10T16:47:00.005-08:00

i will add to this. see how it goes.

1. when i turn down memorial and all of a sudden i see the ocean
2. the sooke potholes
3. my little apartment
4. my morning bus ride, it follows the ocean for a ways and it is beautiful
5. being able to walk to cook street village for a coffee
6. enjoying that coffee oceanside
7. the restaurants (oh god, the restaurants)

- spinnaker's
- le petit saigon
- il terrazzo
- the king & thai
- pagliacci's

8. when you come down sinclair, to the top of cadboro bay hill, and you can see the ocean
9. the nice rainy days
10. free things on the side of the road
11. the bunnies
12. uvic campus, everyday.. i really love this place
13. that i am so close to even more beautiful places (tofino, gulf islands..)
14. using the coho horn to tell time
15. ol' one eye

five year plan

2009-11-15T17:20:00.004-08:00

phewph.
jeffrey moved to kelowna a month early. i am no longer a cat lady. well, i guess i am, if you wanna get technical. i am gonna miss that little guy.

this is what's up.
five more weeks left in victoria.
mexico at christmas.
four month practicum.
and then who knows? i have a million ideas.

i'm going to start applying for jobs at international schools soon. they say to start applying in november but i don't have any of my certification done yet, so i've gotta look into that. plus i need reference letters from my current school, so i might wait until i get into my practicum and then ask the vp or my sponsor teacher to refer me. it's a confusing process.

but, mostly, i want to go to med school. i have been dreaming up this five year plan for myself. it goes like this.

2010
january-april: complete my four month practicum, graduate!
may-june: move to alberta and get a toc position
july-august: wander, jenna's wedding
september-: move overseas (argentina, i hope) to teach

2010-2012
teach overseas.

2012-2014
do pre-req's for med school.
write the mcat.
do my applications.

2014
start med school!

don't those numbers like 2013 look so crazy. who thought we'd live to see these days. class of 2018 baby.
is it really horrible that i would consider putting med school off a year, in this fantasy plan, if it meant i could graduate in an odd-numbered year?

sometimes i don't like having big plans like this. i like suprises, adventures! but this is just an idea. i have a million ideas. but this is sort of how i see things going. maybe midwifery school instead of med school. haven't made that decision yet. it would be a lot easier, but i think i'd prefer going for the whole shebang. that's more my style. all or none.

cat lady

2009-11-10T21:37:00.002-08:00

this is what i bought at the grocery store today.

1 box of 100 calorie ice cream snack things.
1 bag of dry cat food.
3 packets of wet cat food.

i was standing in line and i saw it all laid out and hard to believe but yes, this is my life. it's no more "i'm gonna be a cat lady".. i have arrived.

also.
seriously try the oreo 100 calorie popsicle things. so good.

also.
nanowrimo is a no go. i didn't even have the heart to get started. it was like "okay, i have three assignments due tomorrow and a novel to write". priorities, people. i do have some.

nanowrimo

2009-10-26T18:41:00.003-07:00

so, some people do movember. thankfully my body does not produce enough testosterone to let me be an active participant, so i am coming up with a new goal. national novel writing month. nanowrimo. i've known about it for years and years but never thought it was something i could do. i tend to be a victim of nagging self doubt. but, i've been having this problem lately. the problem of not achieving any goals i set. exhibit a: the royal victoria half marathon. 16km isn't bad, but it's not half of a marathon. exhibit b: my summer goal list (can be seen in an earlier entry). i slept in a tent one night, and that's as close as i got to checking off any goals on that list.

here i go. i won't post any of it up here, it's not mean to be an excellent piece of writing. but it'll get me writing again. maybe a load of crap but a load of crap is better than my only form of writing being emails to professors and a ton of homework. less than two more months of uvic coursework left! then a fourth month practicum which is like actually working but someone else is getting paid. i am less than sixth months away from my b.ed.! i will be teaching your children! don't say you haven't been warned.

londres

2009-07-14T18:08:00.000-07:00

folks, i am leaving for london in less than 48 hours. my house is a complete disaster. okay, it's a one bedroom apartment, there can only be so much mess, but it is a bit over the top. the plan is to fly into london, hop on a bus out to hereford and meet up with pete and his family for a week of visiting / touring / adventuring. then pete and i have a couple of days to ourselves in london, which is the part of the trip i am really most excited for. i'll also (i hope! i'm not sure if it's all set up or not) get to see pete row in cambridge, which is unbelievably cool.

i've never been to england before. i spent 10 glorious days in greece when i was 16, but that's as much of europe as i've seen. i'm excited to visit the natural history museum, see the changing of the guards, and eat lots and lots of curries. hopefully we'll get to see a show, get shittered with my friend jamie, and and spend hours just wandering through london and all the places that we visit with pete's family. there is also supposed to be a trip to wales squished in at some point, but i don't want to get my hopes up so i'm not counting on it. but that would be very cool!

so that's the news. lots of work, lots of running, a little bit of the 30 day shred (this will be tackled in its entirety during the month of august), and a lot of baking. i love baking. i want to learn to love cooking, i'll work on it, but baking is just so great. it's so easy to have the right ingredients on hand (flour? check. eggs? check. butter? check. sugar? check.) i've found what i believe is the best chocolate chip cookie recipe. period. i've made crumbles and pies and muffins and cakes.. and i haven't even gained a pound! okay, so the real reason i've decided to run this stupid half marathon is so that i can run off all these extra calories. haha.

summer goals, i just love them. i realize i haven't crossed a single goal off of my summer to do list from an earlier entry, but there is still a month and a half of this summer left. i have a time.

hair no more

2009-06-12T12:24:00.008-07:00

I did it! Took long enough, eh? I made the appointment kind of last minute, dragged Katelyn out for a longhair photoshoot at Willows beach, and then marched over to the salon next door to get it chopped off. Now my ponytail is sitting in an envelope, waiting to be donated.

I'm pretty happy with it. I feel a little bit dorky when I see myself, but the idea of it nice. It just has to grow on me (ha! ha!).

mile-ionnaire

2009-05-28T15:57:00.004-07:00

So, I signed myself up for an airmiles card. Anyone who knows me knows that this is a problem, because I have such an addictive personality. I've managed to avoid the drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. that most people associate with addictive personality, but that's because I've found replacements. Let's see. Remember those endless days of first year playing Halo 2, then Mario Party? There's a good example. Last summer I become obsessed with keeping a budgeting journal of every single penny I earned/spent/saved. Now, there is airmiles. My standard internet checking routine involves the Blue Jays website (my homepage), my UVic email, then my airmiles page. Collecting airmiles is a slow process and it takes a while for your balance to get updated, so instead I look at the different current coupons and offers. I even immerse myself in the Safeway flier to see if there are any good airmiles offers in there. Not sure how long this will last, but I have spent many an hour debating about whether or not to sign up for an Airmiles American Express (NO! I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT DO THIS!) and getting thisclose to applying. I'll start buying things that I don't need just to get a few more points. I know I will. Just throw a few more things in my basket so that I can get that extra point. But it's worse than that! I've started entering draws and stuff online. Like giveaways. I know that the odds of me winning are very very slim, but what's the harm in signing up, right?

I think that this has been partly induced by the recent poverty I've found myself in. I thought for sure the recession would just pass me by, I mean I have a good job, I live in a good city, all that. But no, it has found it's way to me. Shifts at work have gotten extremely cut back and I'm just not making ends meet.. so I need to find free things! I keep telling myself "Okay Taryn, just go about your every day life and if you can use your airmiles card, great, but it's not a good program if you find excuses to use it." Example, I was going to forego my annual eye exam (they'll make me have a contact fitting and that costs an extra $60) and just order my contacts online and save a few bucks. But my eye place takes airmiles. And I could get an extra 120 airmiles on top of what I get from actually buying my contacts. I'm in a serious dilemma about this.

I'm sure this will pass once something new comes along. I'm hoping this new thing will be a Nintendo DSi (it's my birthday soon, but let's keep it hush hush). But I'd also like it to be something like running, eating freakishly healthy.. Last summer I got a pedometer and made sure I walked my 10000 steps every day until I lost it in Peru. Sometimes this addictive personality is a good thing. And I usually have a few things going on at once. I definitely jump right into things and then quickly get over them so hopefully that is the case. Then my airmiles will be left to quietly accumulate until I have enough to get a flight out to Peru so I can reunite with my little ninos (I miss them so much it aches).

summertime and the livin's easy

2009-05-21T16:30:00.003-07:00

the annual summer to do list

1. sleep under the stars
2. do as much shopping as possible at the farmer's market
3. wear sunscreen every day
4. pay off my credit card debt
5. reconnect with my longboard
6. learn to use my camera in manual mode
7. bake a pie from scratch
8. walk/bike my little heart out
9. finally explore the juan de fuca trails and beaches
10. roast marshmallows

sunshine days

2009-04-08T17:22:00.002-07:00

it has been outstanding around here. on monday pete and i spent the afternoon having a makeshift picnic at beacon hill park, subway and slurpees and sunshine. i generally don't do alliterations, but sometimes i just have to make an exception. on tuesday kates and i did our laundry and had snacks on the patio at the pub and then baked cookies (zucchini chocolate chip, who'da thunk they'd be so delicious?). the only downside of all this springtime bliss has been the insane allergies. and the fact that you just can't count on continuous days of sunshine in crazy victoria. i figure that it doesn't really matter where you live in canada, the weather is crazy everywhere. little moments of beauty surrounded by days of mucky yuck. spring weather is a real trickster.

cruelest month

2009-04-02T20:20:00.004-07:00

It's officially april but you would never ever know it. Rain, wind, snow, whatever. I thought today would be nice because it was a little bit sunny this morning, but alas, pissing rain all afternoon/evening. The bottom of my jeans are caked in mud so I can't wear them for the 189th time in a row.

Look at the weird trees on the right. Guess they don't like the powerlines or something.

Wisdom teeth recovery went fairly well, if you consider two drysockets well. I have to go every few days and get this gauze put in the holes. The gauze is soaked in clove oil and let me just say that my breath smells amazing for the whole day after. Haha. As if. I had to get it done on Tuesday and then I went to meet a bunch of Pete's friends from rowing and they probably thought I was a big snob because I was too embarrassed to talk. Would I rather them think I am a snob or think I have halitosis? The answer is clear.

Also. We have lived in May Lodge for a year already. If I was cool I would put before and after photos like look how great it is our little home, but despite outward appearance, we're students at heart. Every piece of furniture has stayed in the same spot it got set down on the day we moved in. No joke. Some of it works, some of it doesn't, neither of us care enough to fix it. Plus the dust, oh the dust, I live by a "if you don't notice it that often, it's not really there" philosophy. But I love it, I'm just not quite the housewife and/or clean freak that I aspire to being.

happy spring!

2009-03-20T16:55:00.002-07:00

(I actually just posted this to my class blog and then had a freak out attack as I scrambled to delete it. Whoops.)

I'm sitting here with ice packs tied to my face alfafa-style and eating a mashed up cupcake with a spoon. Wisdom teeth surgery wasn't the big deal that I was expecting. It's possible that I am pushing it a little bit but I don't feel content just laying on the couch / in bed with a book or the tv or whatever. Normally that is my dream come true but suddenly when it is required and not just an option, I want to get up and go.

Pete offered to make the spring cupcakes so we spent the afternoon in the kitchen, him stirring up a bowl of icing and making my taste test it, me sitting with my crossword dreaming of lamb curry. Cupcakes are great, but I need protein, people. I've been eating apple sauce, pudding, yogurt and washing it all down with a few different pain killers. I can't open my mouth more than an inch wide and sudden movements make my face feel like it will explode. Other than that. No really, not that bad.

I feel like I should say something about the first day of spring but there isn't much to say. The few movements that I have been outside it has been raining horizontally at me. The sun is trying to shine though and I can randomly hear birds which makes it feel nice. I don't know. I'm just putting off my celebration of the season until I can enjoy it as it should be enjoyed, with grilled cheese sandwiches and slurpees (through a straw!).

transition

2009-03-16T13:56:00.002-07:00

So I tried to start this new blog but I don't like it so I'll transfer that stuff over here. It's a new age of taryntothemax folks, and it is gonna be fun.

spring?

2009-03-16T12:01:00.000-07:00

The weather out here has been absolutely crazy. All in one day it’s sun, rain, snow, wind, sun again. I still feel okay about it though. When I look out my window I can see the cherry blossoms just starting to open up and I remember that spring will be here soon enough.

I’m still having a near-anxiety attack every two hours or so about having to get my wisdom teeth out. A new issue has presented itself in the forefront of this anxiety. What about the cupcakes?! Okay. Every spring since I was in Grade 12 I have made cupcakes on the first day of spring. Then I dole them out to my friends and family and the whole batch is gone within about an hour. But the first day of spring is March 20 and, from what I’ve heard, I will be a big hamsterface spending the whole day on the couch eating ice cream and popping pills. This is a serious problem. Is it okay to delay the first day of spring? Should I have the first day of spring early? Should I skip it this year? Postpone it until summer starts?

lazyyy days

2009-03-11T15:35:00.000-07:00

This is more or less how today has gone. You can’t see the disaster that consumes this whole apartment in these pictures. Something about being in school and being two people in a small space means that there is always “housework” but it never gets done. Oh well, no complaints. Berries are popping all over the grocery store (although they’re not local so I’m trying my hardest to avoid them, not doing very well on that!) and it’s almost farmer’s market season and I’m working on cutting out added sugars (not doing very well on that either!) and becoming a conscious consumer.. or something. I don’t have it quite figured out yet, what I’m going for. Being healthy, being in tune with my body and what I put in it and how I use it. Lots of things like that. I’ll let you know how that goes.

oh say can you see my eyes / 'cause if you can then my hair's too short

2009-02-28T21:07:00.000-08:00

oh gosh. i suck at this.

i can’t even figure out how to put a picture on here. jeez. well, i kind of figured it out but it rotated it and man. i am just not having any luck. oh well. what is new around here.

i am thinking that i am ready to cut all this goony long hair off. i think it may be at the point where it is just too long. i am probably more nervous about this than i am about having my wisdom teeth out. and i am pretty fucking nervous about that. i am pretty sure that if i had to make a list of my top five fears/dislikes, it would go as follows.

1. rats
2. the dentist (i am not phobized about it but it gives me the creeps, for sure)
3. airplanes (i play it cool but i am secretly ohshitting the whole time)
okay, well i can only think of those three right now, but there’s probably lots more. i am a pretty big wimp. yeah, so anyway. i have to get my wisdom teeth taken out on march 19 and i am only doing it because the dentist said i could be put under. if he wanted to do it while i was awake i would have walked right out of the office. it gives me the creeps just to think about it. that tugging pressure feeling and hearing the drills and the smell/taste of it. eww i am feeling very squeamish right now.
(edit: i am also very scared of things in the water and dark water.)

anyway, my point is that getting my haircut will cause me no physical pain or anything, but i am almost as scared to get it cut as i am to get my wisdom teeth out. that is a lot of fear! i mean, a trim is okay but i think i need to do something drastic. long enough so it can still go in a ponytail, short enough so that i don’t dread having showers because it means i’ll have to brush my hair afterwards. no joke, the length of my hair is the number one reason i don’t (like to) shower. plus it would mean that there wouldn’t be long hairs infesting every nook and cranny of everything i own. i have pulled my long hairs out of pete’s bumcrack!

okay. i’ll keep you updated on how it all goes down. i think it will probably be one of those walkdownthestreetandintothesalon kind of moments and if it comes together i’ll imagine it was meant to be and if it doesn’t come together i’ll be one of those old ladies with hair down to the ground who has to go on the maury show because i’ll be under such severe emotional stress at the thought of being separated from it. it will be a separate entity, like my baby or something.

oh. one more thing!

i won on my very first cup! a donut no less! if i were to make a top five list of things i love about being canadian, roll up the rim would be right up there. although, i think they need to come up with some alternate plan to promote the use of personal mugs. environmental sustainability, folks.

playin' it cool

2009-02-18T11:15:00.000-08:00

what am i doing? man i suck at blogging.

lately i’ve just been doing this thing where i pretend that i actually am a domestic goddess instead of just a lazy sack of shit, which is actually the truth. so i’ve been cleaning and baking and cooking and taking photos and organizing papers and sweeping and all the other stuff that i actually hate. but here is the trick. i don’t hate it! i like it! i like when my kitchen is clean and there are cookies and maybe some flowers and a cat sitting on the window sill. that is a nice thing. and a pot of coffee, of course.

there is this 1-800 number that has been calling us a million times a day for the past million days. really, can it be important if it’s from a 1-800 number? i don’t believe so. plus i now have a battle with that 1-800 number and refuse to answer it. anyway, it’s pretty damn annoying. i always get excited for a real phone call from, i don’t know, a friend. and it’s always that stupid 1-800 guy. it’s definitely a scam because otherwise they could just leave a message. duh.

it’s beautiful here. p is gone for the weekend so i’ll be flying solo. this means that every night, without fail, i will have the apartment lit up like a christmas tree and i will turn each light off as i make my way towards my bed and finish the whole thing off with a grand leap into my bed. oh yes, this is after investigating all the closets and crannies where someone/thing could possibly be hiding. but i do this discreetly because i don’t want to let them know i am on to them. if i find someone/thing, i will casually just “go out” and then do whatever freaking out is necessary. but i’ll play it cool at first. you know me.

happy valentine's day!

2009-02-14T17:56:00.000-08:00

what a better was to start off this new blog than by honoring the third best holiday of the year (second only to june 3rd and march 21st)? there is none, i tell ya. right now i am sitting in the dark smelling my cat’s gross wet food (his valentine’s day treat) and waiting for my prince charming. haha. just kidding. pete should be home soon though.

and i think he might be bringing flowers!

2008-09-16T10:41:00.002-07:00

oh yeah! i'm gonna start a new blog for my peru trip. stay tuned, folks.

i like to be embarrassing

2008-09-16T10:22:00.002-07:00

a survey about my bf.

1. He is watching TV. What is he watching?
he's probably watching something about cars/motorcycles or maybe ufc.

2. You're out to eat. What kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
tough one. he probably ordered fries. or maybe caesar?

3. What's one food this person doesn't like?
seafood, if i only get to list one.

4. You go out to the bar. He orders:
whatever's on tap.

5. Where did he go to high school?
michigan.

6. What size shoe does he wear?
thirteen.

7. If this person were to collect anything, it would be:
motorcycles. we'd have 'em lined up down the street. or, in a dream world, filling up an ironman style car warehouse/workshop.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
meat, cheese, margarine on a huge french baguette loaf. only the manliest.

9. This person could eat __________ everyday.
pancakes.

10. Favorite cereal?
today i think it's corn pops. last week, shreddies. just scopin' the deals in the cereal aisle, i think.

11. This person wouldn't be caught dead wearing:
man-styled skinny jeans.

12. Favorite sports team?
the blue jays, by default.

13. Who will he vote for?
i don't think he even really knows who's running. he's a us citizen though, so i would guess obama.

14. What is his sign?
aries. but he's on the cusp, so i sometimes read him the taurus horoscope if i find it more fitting.

15. What is something you do that he wishes you didn't?
oh, please.

(take too many naps, leave my dishes in the sink, forget to use my emergency brake, nag..)

16. How many states has this person lived in?
just michigan, i think. he's an international dude. england, usa, canada.

17. What is his heritage?
british to the core.

18. You bake him a cake for his birthday. What is his favorite flavor?
sugar.

19. Did he play sports in high school?
x-country.

20. This person could spend hours...
reading motorcycle magazines whilst pooping.

2008 summer reading list

2008-08-31T14:45:00.006-07:00

(please note that this is postdated, new entries will be below it)

april
1. late nights on air - elizabeth hay
2. the edible woman - margaret atwood
3. the kite runner - khaled hosseine

may
4. the satanic verses - salman rushdie
5. guns, germs, and steel: the fates of human societies - jared diamond

june
6. the house of god - samuel shem
7. brick lane - monica ali
8. tuesdays with morrie - mitch albom
9. the gathering - anne enright
10. anil's ghost - michael ondaatje
11. kafka on the shore - haruki murakami

july
12. the golden spruce: a true story of myth, madness, and greed - john vaillant
13. reading lolita in tehran: a memoir in books - azar nafisi
14. the inheritance of loss - kiran desai
15. the birth house - ami mckay
16. under the banner of heaven: a story of violent faith - jon krakauer

august
17. interpreter of maladies - jhumpa lahiri
18. twilight - stephenie meyer
19. new moon - stephenie meyer
20. eclipse - stephenie meyer
21. breaking dawn - stephenie meyer
22. the executioner's song - norman mailer

in progress:
three cups of tea - greg mortenson and david oliver relin

and some short story collections i'm picking at:

paul theroux
fresh air fiend: travel writings

constance rooke (ed.)
writing life: celebrated canadian and international authors on writing and life

jeffrey eugenides (ed.)
my mistress's sparrow is dead: great love stories from chekhov to munro

zadie smith (ed.)
the book of other people

as always, recommendations are appreciated. especially non-fiction.

peru, aqui yo vengo!

2008-08-15T17:44:00.003-07:00

i leave on october 3rd. i'm going to to hunt down this view. it's stunning. to be honest, i know less than nothing about this place. two months of my life will be spent there and i saw this picture was like "huh, so that's what it looks like.. not bad at all." i'll let you know how accurate that really is. i set up my "days left" counter and it's at 49. i remember when it was 49 days until we left for mexico and that trip has come and gone.

i'm a lot more nervous than i'm letting on, but really, and i'm almost embarrassed to admit it, one of the main sources of my hesitation is the fact that i will be without pete for that long. it seems unbearable. you know that old saying absence makes the heart grow fonder? man, that shit is true.

(ps. does that title make any sense? combing through spanish phrase books is a tough way to learn the language.)

to do

2008-06-25T14:09:00.003-07:00

I've got to learn how to blog again. Every time I come over here and try to write something down it ends up getting saved as a draft, never to see the light of day. Bummer for you, hey? The thing is that I just haven't had any good life changes that are that worth writing about. I spend my money on practical things like rent and contact lenses (430 bucks!). Pete and I argue about who swept the floor last and whose clothes make up the majority of the laundry pile (mine). Looks who's a grown up. But I'm gonna start practicing. We'll see how it goes.

There are actually a lot of things to write about. I've been here and there this summer doing this and that. I went to Edmonton for my cousin's wedding and Baba's 90th birthday. I went again for the MS Bike Tour. I started rebuilding my relationship with Meston. I got registered for bootcamp against my will and dropped out halfway through, but lied to everyone about it. That was a bad one. I started this daily budgeting log so that I can stop being absolutely ridiculous in my spending habits. I discovered lamb curry, which is my dream come true. And I got a new camera!!

Things like that.
Stay tuned.

peruuu

2008-06-04T22:04:00.004-07:00

peru is a go! i still have to pay some fees (read: earn the money required to pay the fees) but the uvic course list came up and all my courses are in the spring, so my fall is free for machu picchu adventures! i am more excited and scared than i am willing to let on. pete bought me a really nice bag for my birthday (once of those gigantic hardcore trekking backpacks) and everything is becoming real and holy shit i am going to be in peru for two months by myself and the girl who sold us the backpack said that cusco is totally sketchy and all her friends got robbed there! oh gosh. but i am tough and streetwise. aha! i'm from sherwood park, what do i know about streetsmarts? but i'm excited. very very very.

moving up

2008-04-05T22:48:00.004-07:00

okay. so it is my first night alone in our new apartment and i am getting a little bit nutty. every light in the whole place is on, except for the bedroom light because i've been too scared to go in there in case someone is lurking. i am absolutely head over heels in love with our place, in the day time. at night, it is a bit spooky. the fire place is on a crazy program and just turns itself on whenever it wants, my cat roams around meowing and jumping at imaginary things, you can hear the neighbors like they are standing beside you.

let me tell you about this place though because it feels like exactly what my life has been missing. it is gorgeous. it's a 1950s building, so all the apartments have a pretty big layout and there are lots of little character traits like a funny ironing board that comes out of the kitchen wall and one of those locks that is on a chain so the door only opens 3 inches or so. it's all hardwood floors, which, despite their general creakiness, looks goooooood. i live in constant fear that something will skid or drop and make a gash in the floor. basically the landlord's number one rule is DON'T FUCK WITH THE HARDWOOD. there is a fireplace! i haven't quite figured out how to work it but it is quite cozy and crackily. there is also a dishwasher which means there will be 95% less fights between pete and i. but best of all

THERE ARE WINDOWS!!

okay, our last place had windows, but only facing the wrong direction and only in one part of the whole place. now we have a window in our living room that overlooks the road and windows in the kitchen and bedroom that face out the back of the building. and it is getting to be summer. really, could my life be any better? it's four blocks to the ocean. four blocks to beacon hill park. and there are shops right down the road.

oh yes. oh yes.
living the dream.

i'm still trying to get pete to warm up to it. he liked the coziness of our last place, but i think this will outshine that place in every aspect once we get a bit more settled in and somehow center our room around the fireplace, which was basically his one true wish for our new apartment.

so. that's the news.
school is going okay.
lots of things on the go, i'm feeling a little bit pressed but i'm working on it.

also.
have you ever seen the commercial that says something like.

"i know. let's blamestorm about it! i blame eileen."
ahahaha.

cross your fingers that i make it outta this night. then the apartment will be tried and true, ready for all kinds of shenanigans.

peru baby

2008-03-11T20:39:00.003-07:00

it's settled. as long as the course schedule doesn't change, i'll be spending around 8 weeks in south america next fall. peru, specifically. october and november, specifically. it becomes more realistic every day, as applications for volunteer positions get accepted and payments are made. now it's a matter of flights and leisure time. my mom will come too, for two weeks or so, and we'll live in luxury because she is not necessarily a roughin'it kinda gal. but we will spend two weeks there and it will be the best time ever. i'm sure of it.

i want to see ecuador too, but 8 weeks is not long enough to know even a city, let alone two countries. but i would like to see ecuador. i really have had an obsession with ecuador for my whole life. i love that it is named for the equator, that the equator runs through it and that if i go there i can stand right on it. i can't really explain to you how long it took me to get over my excitement at the fact that the equator runs through ecuador! i'm still not fully over it. so i should probably go, since i'll be so close.

people say "what if they only offer a course in the fall?" and i say "well, then i can't go" like it's the most casual and natural thing. actually i am terrified. i'm the summer schedule away from embarking on the biggest adventure of my life and it could all go south based on an admin decision. but it will be okay. the courses will stay the same, they never change anyway. and i will be all alone in peru, with the leanmeanfightingmachine body that pete says i have to get if i want to go. aha. what a guy.

so that's where things stand. that's my main project right now. i have others, volunteer work and school and amassing fortunes, but this is the one i'm most excited about. if you want to buy me presents i'm interested in spanish lessons, guidebooks, and tevas.

influenza?

2008-01-12T23:00:00.000-08:00

man, the stomach flu is an unrelenting bitch. it started creeping up on me during my seminar wednesday night. then it spent all day thursday blossoming, until i was folded over the toilet at pete's aunt & uncle's house at around 8:30 puking my guts out. but it couldn't be satisfied, no. it had to linger through friday and saturday, just enough to make my stomach churn in the face of food and to make me all lightheaded during the critical moment of my attack on bowser.

i got a nintendo wii for christmas. there goes my gpa.
my parents should know better.

repeat

2007-12-17T23:15:00.001-08:00

i believe in the sand beneath my toes
the beach gives a feeling
an earthy feeling
i believe in the faith that grows
and the four right chords can make me cry

when i'm with you i feel like i could die
and that would be all right

[third eye blind, semi-charmed life]

a little broken hearted

2007-10-12T15:20:00.000-07:00

i keep imagining this time when i'll just pack up and move away. a job offer in a faraway city, surrounded by nothing familiar and nobody i know. to be with him. or an impulse. a romantic idea of fall on the east coast. something i read in a book.

i heard somewhere
"there are no denouements in dreams."

but i don't do lonely well.

oh yeahh

2007-10-09T11:34:00.001-07:00

Puppy Chow

3/4 cup peanut butter
1 cup chocolate chips
1/4 cup butter
8 cups Crispix cereal
2 cups powdered sugar

Melt the peanut butter, chocolate chips, and butter together. Pour over the cereal in a large kettle or bowl and stir well. Pour the powdered sugar into a large brown paper bag and add the cereal. Fold the bag to seal and shake well to coat evenly.

key themes

2007-09-24T19:53:00.001-07:00

i made this list a while ago. middle of august, when the school year felt so far away and i felt unusually optimistic about how things would go. i could mope about all the things that haven't gone my way this month, but there are no excuses for that. i'm 21 now. it's time to get my shit together. so these are meant to be the key themes for 07/08. it's a work in progress, really.

i. eat healthy!
eat breakfast.
pack a lunch.
shop local / organic.
make lots & have leftovers.
make it fun.

ii. save money.
i guess it's not so much saving money as it is to just not spend so much.
i don't expect to come out of the year with a dollar to my name.
$900/month limit, including rent.

iii. kick school butt.
keep the gpa high.
library afternoons.
put the effort in.

iv. make the most of it.
wake up early.
travel the island.
walk everywhere.
surprise people.
surprise myself.
swim in the ocean.

v. love love love :)

summer reading list '07

2007-08-31T23:59:00.000-07:00

may

white teeth - zadie smith
the inheritance of loss - kiran desai
kitchen - banana yoshimoto
the memory keeper's daughter - kim edwards
one hundred years of solitude - gabriel garcia marquez
a short history of tractors in ukrainian - marina lewycka
never let me go - kazuo ishiguro
pandemonium: bird flu, mad cow disease, and other biological plagues of the 21st century - andrew nikiforuk
shalimar the clown - salman rushdie

june

the jade peony - wayson choy
mean boy - lynn coady
villa incognito - tom robbins
the god of small things - arundhati roy
fugitive pieces - anne michaels
monkey beach - eden robinson
the wasp factory - iain banks

july

love in the time of cholera - gabriel garcia marquez
their eyes were watching god - zora neale hurston
the facts behind the helsinki roccamatios - yann martel
if on a winter's night a traveler - italo calvino
the unbearable lightness of being - milan kundera
lolita - vladimir nabokov

august

pilgrim at tinker creek - annie dillard
consumption - kevin patterson
eat pray love - elizabeth gilbert
middlesex - jeffrey eugenides
we need to talk about kevin - lionel shriver
the stranger at the palazzo d'oro - paul theroux
a spot of bother - mark haddon

top five.
one hundred years of solitude
a spot of bother
eat pray love
the god of small things
pilgrim at tinker creek

AS IF!

2007-08-16T13:38:00.000-07:00

As if I live in a city where a legitimate excuse for being late to work is that you got stuck behind a horse-drawn carriage. Happened today, everyone just nodded. Been there. Nothing you can do about that.

things i'm diggin'

2007-08-08T22:02:00.000-07:00

the new bedding. blue and flowers and not quite girly, perfect for tangling up for afternoon naps and wrestling in while we try to get laundry done.

sooke potholes. one of the coolest and most beautiful places i've been to on the island. snakes aside.

my job. say what?! cool people, awesome money, and constant laughter. plus lots of free time for reading and poster making and gossiping.

the new pornographers' new cd. check out "mutiny, i promise you" - classic style, sooo good!

sitting on the balcony with the cat in my lap.

my new haircut. it's exactly the same as my old haircut! for real, charlotte did it up right.

this weather. finally summer has arrived in victoria, and soon i am taking off for a weeklong holiday and i plan to get some serious sun.

waking up early.

chapters.ca. why would anyone ever shop at a bookstore when they can everything so much cheaper online? and free shipping and handling!

mac's. the best coffee ever if you mix it up right. i crave it all day long, even more than tim horton's.

payday. tomorrow!

my new camera. this old school pentax k1000 that is only for experimenting and learning. my first ever ebay win.

exclamation points!!

knowing that in a week pete will be back in town to dig it all with me.

sweat in my

2007-07-12T00:13:00.000-07:00

armpits
kneepits
palms
shoes
eyes
hair
bra
ass
elbows

all told, when you have sweat in your kneepits from having your knees bent for more than 30 seconds it is damn hot. and it's after midnight!

hello heatwave, meet me in sherwood park.

2007-04-26T15:06:00.000-07:00

oh blog.
how i miss you.

NOT!

cat person

2007-04-09T16:05:00.000-07:00

we got a new cat!
well, we sort of got a new cat. he is my cousins cat and we get to keep him for a month. how excited am i? 100%. well, not exactly true. at first i was verrrry excited. then he came and i was 9% excited. he wasn't in a good mood when he got here and it didn't help that jeffrey was all up in his grill every second of the day. they fought and then he would lunge at pete and i, so we were not stoked about it. he also peed inside pete's gym bag. ahaha.
but now he is nice and he let's me pet him and even hold him sometimes. i would tell you his name but i don't know how to spell it. something like shaolin. shaolin soccer, but not. i am very excited about cats and i have lately felt i might be better described as a cat person than a dog person. i'm not not a dog person, but cats are just the best. that's for sure. and that's my news.

just a reminder of who our favorite cat still is and always will be.

the endlessly adorable and photogenic jeffrey.

28 feb 07

2007-02-28T14:26:00.000-08:00

aha. i sucked so bad this year.
not worried about it.
still working on that gpa new years resolution.

it's snowing right now and it's the last day of february and i don't really have anything to say about it all. it's been a good month, a tricky complicated month and talking about it like this makes it seems so final and real, like a definite thing that happened and isn't happening anymore. it's just been time. ah, no philosophizing here please.

time for lunch.

<3

2007-02-14T17:33:00.000-08:00

it's valentine's day!
it's february!
i am in love.

meal plans

2007-02-12T22:36:00.000-08:00

so pretty much the weekend menu plan is completely crumbling.
good reason: rj took us out for dinner! boston pizza gift certificates are the best presents a friend can get, that's for sure.
bad reason: pete is ditching "tomato-topped cod" for free dinner at the church. a certain someone (me) has class that does not provide free dinner opportunities.
good reason: 2 hot valentine's day dates with the apple of my eye.

however, be warned: i plan to keep you well informed of the weekly menu and how it's going.

[thanks to facebook for the following conversation]

taryn's status: taryn is pretty much an old woman.

michelle:
what is this old woman crap?

taryn:
let's not kid ourselves. i am a 40 year old trapped in a 20 year old's body.

taryn:
sometimes even a 60 year old.

michelle:
i dont think a 60 or even 40 year old could shake it like i seen you shake it on friday night in our secret dance studio... nevermind pull off sweet karate kicks in gymnastics... stop living in denial.. your young okay!

man, i still got it.

housewife

2007-02-11T14:24:00.000-08:00

yesterday was probably the nicest day so far in 2007. i woke up at 8 with, surprisingly, no hangover. (okay, i should probably be embarrassed about how friday night went down but i actually can't remember most of it.) then we went out for breakfast and i made pete pose for pictures and he complained the whole time and out of like 10 attempts we only got one where we both look almost okay. picture posing is a skill we need to work on.

okay okay! my new plan for the rest of this semester is to make weekly meal schedules and then that way we hopefully won't go out for dinner so much because we'll actually have things planned out. i think it could be very successful. i just decided on this today so this weeks schedule only has like:

sunday: lasagna
ingredients: have everything except garlic bread and tomato sauce.

monday: chicken pasta
ingredients: noodles, diced tomatoes, chicken and ceasar dressing.

and i have to work out the rest but i am pretty excited about it. my mom bought me like a 4-ingredient cookbook and it's probably the love of my life. plus i can eat meat and it makes me wayyy more excited to cook.

i know i know i am kind of like an old mom/housewife but.. okay, there are no buts. it's true. i'm trying to embrace it.

also. new found love for swimming? wtf. seriously, swimming is like the best thing ever.

pick me

2007-02-09T15:51:00.000-08:00

in my edci class we had to pose in a way that we thought was representative of ourselves in high school. umm. nosepicking is probably the best thing ever. hi, my name is taryn and i am mature.

five things.

2007-02-07T20:58:00.000-08:00

okay.

1. maybe it's okay that my life is moving at warpspeed. no, not warpspeed. but i am on a mission and i'm not going to stop until i get it done. at least it doesn't look like i while. at this rate i will be teacher when i'm 23. graduated, finished. but then there is more. and maybe it's okay that i get this done, that i have that behind me when i'm ready to explore. these experiences now are important too, so i just need to stop worrying about it so much.

2. i am doing a huge project for my ed class on the perceptions of physical education. maybe i would like to talk to some of you about it. more information will come.

3. i love february. lovelovelove.

4. i think that maybe last year writing everyday was so much easier because it was the olympics and because jenna was visiting and pete was visiting and there was more out of the ordinary going on than there is now. i may have made a bad call on this, but i'm gonna see it through.

5. when i go to kelowna i am going to make my mom take me shopping. my little sister too. and i am going to buy nice clothes. and maybe have a quasi-pseudo style revamp. i watched an episode of made where the coolest girl in the entire world wanted to win her school's idol competition and wow, i was in love with her. i still am. i want to be her best friend and just hang out with her all the time. anyway, she was probably the best dressed person and i want to be just like her.

sheesh

2007-02-06T20:29:00.000-08:00

rant.

why do all of my teachers have to schedule their midterms and other projects and assignments all during the same damn week. and why is that every single piece of evaluation has to fall either right in the middle of the semester or right at the end? there are a lot of good weeks in the term. a lot of them. like 13 or something. so why do all the assignments and tests have to be during only 2 or 3 of them? seriously, why? and why do i leave everything until the last minute so i always want to kill myself and i'm always cranky and overtired? and why isn't there a tim horton's closer to where i live?

happilyer

2007-02-05T18:51:00.000-08:00

ummm.
hi.

today i had a midterm in biomechanics. biomechanics is my hardest class because it's all about the forces associated with movement and stuff like that. well ... i am an english/phys ed major and physics really isn't my speciality. so i have to work really hard to understand a little concept. that is very frustrating because usually i don't have to work that hard to get my head around things. but last night pete was explaining momentum and negative acceleration to me (acceleration can be positive with a decreasing velocity when velocity is decreasing in a negative direction.. wtf?) and i just about lost it on him because i was so frustrated that i couldn't understand. i think this course will be a serious character builder for me because it will probably be the first time since math in high school that it will actually be hard and not just time consuming. i'm excited, let's not kid ourselves. biomechanics is cool. very cool. and it almost makes me want to switch into kinesiology because i realize that i like the science part of phys ed more than i like the teaching part. interesting.

okay seriously this crisis of "what do i want to do with my life" is supposed to not hit me. not me. i am supposed to be a teacher and that is how it has been since junior high and there was never any doubt. maybe the problem is that the lack of doubt caused me to not explore any other options and subsequently now that this whole science/sporty world has been opened up to me i am seeing all the exciting alternatives. there's nothing wrong with teaching and i could do it happily but maybe i could do something different happilyer? med school, what?

damnit.

oh no

2007-02-03T21:15:00.000-08:00

oh crap.
i am already behind.
this may have been a bad call.

oh well.
let's blame it on midterms.
and illness.
okay?

so, let's lay it out.
what is the plan for this february?

1) orienteering!
2) reading break!
3) kelowna!
4) exams / projects!

what are the goals for this february?

1) save money.
2) kick ass on midterms.
3) party hardy.
4) get climbing.

i'm happy that this month showed up with some lovely weather and my period. not being pregnant? best thing ever. as far as this month long blogathon goes, i wanted to up the ante from last year but also give myself an out by not comitting to writing every single day. as you can tell. i'll get more consistent, i think. and i'll get on the picture thing as soon as i'm not bogged down with sickness. the past two days i've trapped myself away with my biomechanics textbook, a box of kleenex, my ipod and my nalgene. the goal is to defeat the cold before it defeats me and then get my gameface back on. i think it's worked pretty well and tomorrow there are some definite plans to leave the house. yes, i am awesome.

fevrier

2007-02-01T21:41:00.000-08:00

2006.
28 days.
28 posts.

2007.
28 days.
28 posts.
28 pictures.

want

2007-01-14T14:47:00.000-08:00

i don't have anything to say. there was supposed to be orienteering today but it was cancelled so instead we changed my passenger wiper blade and ate big huge pannekoeks for breakfast. now we are hanging out and listening to music and it's cold out but the windows are open. i want to take more pictures, so i will. i also want to do really amazingly well at school, so i will. i also want to go underwear shopping and maybe get a new sweater, but instead i have to buy groceries and cat litter. i am so grown up.

let's give it up for the new year

2007-01-08T16:27:00.000-08:00

[ What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? ]
i actually committed to something.

[ Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? ]
i don’t really remember making any but if i did they were probably like stop drinking pop and things like that, which i definitely didn’t follow through on. the resolutions for this year are vague and broad and leave lots of room for interpretation so i hope i can at least stick to them a little bit. draw more, study harder, get drunk less, stop being such a drama queen, better money management.

[ Did anyone close to you give birth? ]
nope. i think that’s a good thing.

[ Did anyone close to you die? ]
not this year.

[ What countries did you visit? ]
mexico, belize, united states.

[ What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? ]
a cumulative gpa above 7.

[ What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? ]
let’s say april 20. pete and i hit the one year mark and even though that’s not all that long and even though we weren’t together for it, it feels pretty huge to be with someone for so long and to get through so much and end up where we are now.

[ What was your biggest achievement of the year? ]
the year was more an academic one than anything so all i really have to show for it in the end is being two terms closer to graduating.

[ What was your biggest failure? ]
eating meat again.

[ Did you suffer illness or injury? ]
a cold maybe here and there but nothing lasting or terrible.

[ What was the best thing you bought? ]
i can’t even think of anything that i actually bought. all the stuff we’ve bought around the apartment has been pretty good, the little things that add up and make it feel like our place.

[ Whose behavior merited celebration? ]
pete’s, for sure.

[ Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? ]
mine, mostly.

[ Where did most of your money go? ]
eating out.

[ What did you get really, really, really excited about? ]
september. when pete and i moved in here.

[ What song will always remind you of 2006? ]
pump it by the black eyed peas.

[ Compared to this time last year, are you: ]
[ i. happier or sadder ] happier!
[ ii. thinner or fatter ] mostly the same
[ iii. richer or poorer ] the same, unfortunately

[ What do you wish you'd done more of? ]
dancing.

[ What do you wish you'd done less of? ]
being a psychotic dramatic girlfriend.

[ How will you be spending Christmas? ]
with my family, as always. that’s the only way.

[ Did you fall in love in 2006? ]
in 2005, yes. but it’s a continual process.

[ How many one-night stands? ]
never ever.

[ What was your favorite TV program? ]
csi.

[ Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? ]
no hatred to be found around here, pals.

[ What was the best book you read? ]
on beauty by zadie smith – well that was over the new year so maybe it doesn’t fully count?
cloud atlas by david mitchell

[ What was your greatest musical discovery? ]
it was a rediscovery of third eye blind.

[ What did you want and get? ]
pete back.

[ What was your favorite film of this year? ]
i can’t even think of a single one.

[ What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? ]
i turned 20 and went crazy all around kelowna. it’s actually pretty embarrassing how out of hand i got.

[ What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? ]
if pete and i hadn’t been apart for six months of it.

[ How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? ]
huh?

[ What kept you sane? ]
school, more or less.

[ Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? ]
john cusack.

[ What political issue stirred you the most? ]
i don’t get stirred anymore. i wish i did, but i don’t.

[ Who did you miss? ]
pete, alie, my family, taryn circa grade 10.

[ Who was the best new person you met? ]
jeffrey (don’t give me any philosophical bullshit, i’m counting my cat as a person) and my summer work gang.

[ Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006 ]
well, learning is different than living, i hope. i learned to relax. to not always take myself so seriously and just relax sometimes. now, to implement this may be a different story.

[ Quote a song lyric that sums up your year ]
And I know why they hatin' on us (why)
Cause our style's so fabulous (what)
I'ma be real on us (c'mon)
Nobody got nuttin' on us (no)

07

2007-01-06T12:49:00.000-08:00

new years resolution #4
"stop being such a drama queen"
status: failed

is it really too late for new years resolutions like that or is it just a consistent effort? i think probably the latter because it's pretty lame to just say "oh, i screwed that one up. better luck next year!" and just carry on being an emotional fuckwit in all possible aspects of my life.

christmas was fun but the break was too long (!!!) and i really am happy to be back in victoria. this is more my element, even if i seem to want to be anywhere else but here. i mean, seriously, how could i be unhappy in a city that is home to jr's indian curry house? impossible!

notable

2006-12-26T16:59:00.000-08:00

so far this christmas break

1. my baba, who is 88, was giving my littlest sister tips on her dance dance revolution technique. "taylor, you stand too far forward your back foot doesn't reach" and "taylor, can't you look down when you play? look where you stand that's why you get all the boos."

2. i ate meat. i still don't think i could go to a restaurant and order a steak or anything like that, but it was christmas dinner and i had a little bit of turkey. it was delicious, that's a fact. but i don't think it's going to be a common theme in my life. i'm happy being a vegetarian. am i still a vegetarian? well, i don't know if i still want to lay claim to that title. it's either all or none, there's no middle ground. but all of a sudden after dinner last night it clicked again and i'm feeling good about the meat-free lifestyle. we'll see. i'm not making any rules or laying down any guidelines. i'm just gonna see how i feel.

3. victoria is home. i can't really explain how hard this has hit me over the past ten days. i guess homesickness is the appropriate phrase for how i've felt. last christmas or even at the end of this summer i would have said i was "going back to school" because that's all victoria meant. but in a week i'm going back to victoria. i'm going back home.

4. i vowed not to go skiing. snowboarding. and yet i've agreed to two days of it. gaby and i are going to attack the slopes in a beginner snowboarding class tomorrow, unless i can get out of it somehow. on saturday we're all trekking out to big white for a day of "fun." pete's super stoked on it and so is my little sister and i don't know why i agreed but if i play my cards right i can sneak away to the lodge and drink coffee all afternoon, make it out for one last run and pretend i've been ripping it up all day.

5. jeffrey. umm. best ever.

start with the end in mind

2006-12-13T18:14:00.000-08:00

last exam celebrations. taryn style.

step 1.
have a nap.
(intersperse with pleasure reading, a highlight of life without school)
current read: oryx and crake by margaret atwood

step 2.
rent christmas movies.
picks: elf, christmas with the kranks, the santa clause 2

step 3.
get snacks.
picks: pepsi and salt & vinegar chips

step 4.
watch the santa clause 2 (on vhs!) and eat snacks at 4 in the afternoon.

yahoo.
but i am done like dinner.
half way through third year. half way through my degree.
(half way? halfway?)
to kelowna on the 16th and back to victoria on january 1st.
all i know is that i will be trying not to kill jeffrey (or let my mom kill him) who is coming with me, checking my marks compulsively, scoping out all the best toboggan hills in kelowna with my littlest sister who is the most enthusiastic person in my family and spending new years with pete. the rest of it is very up in the air and as long as i don't get conned into going to the ski hill it will be a very merry christmas.

hippo hero

2006-12-12T17:05:00.000-08:00

my new favorite website:
christmas radio stations!

i feel like i have some serious christmas frenzy and no outlet for it so all i do is scan the radio for stations playing christmas music and come home and listen to more christmas music. pretty sweet, ja?

ps.
i want a hippopotamus for christmas
only a hippopotamus will do
no crocodile
no rhinoceroses
i only like hippopotamuses
and hippopotamuses like me too

i'm totally down with this song, man.
"mom says the hippo would eat me up, but then / teacher says hippo is a vegetarian"?
lyrics don't get better than that.

man, christmas is the best.

misinterpret

2006-12-08T15:03:00.000-08:00

misinterpretations get me every time. life is good. brilliant. tiresome. fun. stressful. everything that it should be and sometimes more. sometimes, like with anything, there are moments when it gets to be a bit overwhelming. but there are many more moments when i can't believe it is actually this good. it was never my intention to give you the impression that i was unhappy, or more importantly that there was some sort pete & taryn drama. i don't really know how life could be better, even the exams aren't as much of a drag as they usually seem to be.

christmas is approaching and this afternoon i am going to watch the santa clause with tim allen and draw pictures and eat popcorn and i am very excited about it. not quite as excited as i am about the prospect of having a drawer full of clean socks and underwear, but that's a different story.

shitpants

2006-11-17T14:56:00.000-08:00

last year.

this year:
uhh. wtf. piece of cake.

ps. seven years? med school? nursing? paramedic? social work? oh god, please don't make me talk about it.

whine

2006-11-14T11:10:00.000-08:00

my dad poured me a glass of wine the other day. i almost enjoyed it and now my mom is happy because i might be on my way to becoming her new wine drinking buddy. so, i took it upstairs to dinner and when cassie, my favorite ten year old, offered to get me a glass of pepsi, i said no.

cassie: why not?
taryn: i'm okay having wine.
cassie: oh no. ohhh no.
taryn: what?
cassie (whispering): you're turning into an adult.

5 +1

2006-11-06T20:58:00.000-08:00

a few things have happened recently. not many. but a few.

the lip ring is gone. it was a long debate to take it out during the summer and finally i decided in september that i'd had enough. no one really noticed and when they did notice they thought i had just taken it out the night before or something. i probably wouldn't have noticed either. so it's gone. sometimes i miss it. only when i see old pictures. but there are new changes coming. permanent ones, if you know what i mean.
i have learned how to be a good student. i think it has something to do with the current living situation and how crappy my computer has become. but i start assignments ahead of time (!!!) and still have plenty of time for six feet under. am i doing better? nah, not really. but i feel better and that's the point.
i don't really feel better, at least not in ways that aren't school related. but that's a whole different story and not a happening, which is the point of this list.
i reached the 4 year mark in terms of vegetarianism. my attitude towards vegetarianism has changed dramatically in the last year and i have a feeling that it may be close to the end of this era. i have changed a lot since november of grade 11 and there's no point in pretending that i still hold the same values i did back then. it's not fun anymore, i know that much.
pete and i passed the year and a half mark, which was almost forgotten then quietly celebrated. pete said "i don't think 18 months count as an official anniversary." i said "don't be a poor sport." any reason to celebrate, right? we're happy. well, i'm happy at least. he's sleeping now and the cat is too, back to back they are.
we'll have had the cat for one month tomorrow and he sure does think he owns the place. today he was calmer than usual and i'm learning how to deal with his tantrums. having a cat is strange when you're used to dogs and i really didn't expect him to be so needy but i'm not complaining. i just need to learn how to treat him like a cat and not like a dog.

i think that's all. maybe not. who cares? blogging is so passe. aha. just joking. i check them everyday.

jeffrey

2006-10-12T17:03:00.000-07:00

his name is jeffrey.
he likes doors and yellow feathers.
he farts a lot. well, he gets the blame.
he is fourteen weeks old.
he watches everything.
his name was "slinky" at the spca. it suits him.

we adopted him from the spca in duncan on saturday and he's been just a barrel full of laughs ever since. he cries outside the bathroom door when you go inside, fights everything that moves, and when the time is right he crawls up into your arms and lets you cuddle him until he falls asleep or something moves that he must investigate. he watches a lot of tv. he uses his litterbox like a real champ. he doesn't claw the curtains. pete pretends he doesn't like him but i believe that secretly he does. jeffrey likes pete but he also knows that pete is the boss and therefore i excuse myself from most disciplining. sometimes i say awkward things like "it's like pete and i have a baby!" and pete scrunches up his nose but it kind of is like that.

he gets his name from a funny little story that goes something like this. one year, a few years ago, at my grandparents house, my gido was trying to get the attention of our dog, jessie. instead of calling her jessie he said "jeffrey, jeffrey!" katelyn and i thought it was the best thing ever and decided that when i lived on my own she would buy me a cat named jeffrey.

et voila.

mystery

2006-09-30T18:05:00.000-07:00

september 30, 2006
7:15am - hungover taryn wakes up to the sound of pete's alarm clock and turns it off.
7:20am - taryn wonders why pete didn't turn the alarm off himself.
7:22am - taryn realizes that pete is not in the bed.
7:25am - pete is not in the bedroom, on the balcony, in the closet, in the kitchen, or in the bathroom. conclusion: pete is not in the apartment but all of his stuff his.
7:26am - his car is not in the parking lot. conclusion: of course it isn't, we left it at rachael's last night after the party.
7:27am - pete is found!
7:27am - pete is completely naked and asleep on the tiny, old loveseat in the apartment lobby. he is quite happy to be naked and in the lobby.
7:28am - taryn realizes that the laundry machines have been turned on. conclusion: he has been seen like this.
7:30am - taryn and pete return to the apartment and establish that pete did in fact get back to the apartment last night as his clothes and personal possessions are here.

ideas:
1. he peed himself and wanted to wash his clothes. possible as his boxers from the evening are missing in action.
2. we had a fight and i kicked him out.
3. ninjas.

as i remember nothing more of the evening than getting out of the cab and thinking "i wonder if anybody would notice if i puked beside that dumpster" i really can't offer much insight.

dreambaby

2006-09-13T16:44:00.000-07:00

i've been having funny little dreams lately that i can't really distinguish from reality. like pete telling me that i should get an electric toothbrush because it will cut my brushing time in half. or seeing candice outside of the sub. i don't have dreams very often. well, now i do. but i never really used to. pete would say "what did you dream about?" and i would say "nothing." and there was no feeling that i did have a dream and forgot it, it was purely nothing. and now there's always something there. some dream that i promise to remember and then forget. or there's those little dreams. maybe parts of big dreams or maybe just random glimpses into my subconscious. is that where dreams come from? i took psychology in high school and got 100% (bragbragbrag) but all i remember is about pavlov's dog (i also learned about that in motor learning second year) and that 1 in 5 albertans suffers from depression. i also remember a woman that came to talk to us about schizophrenia and she convinced me that one day i would become schizophrenic because i always used to be scared to think things because i could never tell who could hear my thoughts. she did not actually convince me but she talked about how paranoia is a leading symptom. that is not a normal behaviour so i was thinking about how if i knew i was going to get schizophrenia then when i got it i would be able to say "no, taryn, those voices aren't real. ignore them. you are just schizophrenic." that's kind of unimportant now and i don't think like that anymore. anyway, i've been having dreams lately.

303

2006-09-11T11:51:00.000-07:00

our apartment is small and oldfashioned and it smells like body odor if we don't leave the windows open. we have a tv now and a futon for guests. we're supposed to sleep on it until we get a bed but the air mattress is where we usually find ourselves. i don't mind. most nights we both end up rolling into the middle, not much more than an inch of air protecting us from the ground. he mumbles in his sleep and puts his arm around me and it makes all those days we spent apart worth it.

september, hello

2006-08-31T23:52:00.000-07:00

this afternoon, as i sat in the focus, which sat on the ferry, which sat on the pacific ocean, i heard rj's voice for the first time since april and i can't wait to be back in victoria.

it's still august by eight minutes and we just got back from salt spring. my laundry is spinning away one floor below me and the most beautiful boy in the world is asleep on the couch. we're going to nelson tomorrow and then to victoria on tuesday. then i'll say a little goodbye to this summer and launch into school with guns ablazin'.

so here is to august and to my twentieth summer and to the feeling right before you launch off the cliff of the world's best rope swing.

08/24

2006-08-24T09:21:00.000-07:00

i just didn't want to miss august.

interlude

2006-07-07T19:11:00.000-07:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

-Rudyard Kipling, "If"

the summer sun knows me by name

2006-06-26T19:17:00.000-07:00

sunday.

brie, rebecca & me.

lake okanagan.

so fun.

nothing suits this weather and current fun levels like a little bit of the brady bunch: i gotta get out get me some of those rays. you know how it is. i don't know how anyone can take life seriously when there is so much fun around. canada day is coming and we're gonna get silly.

my summer goals go a little like this:

sit on my roof
plan a holiday with loverboy
watch nip/tuck
dance
fly kites
watch sunrises
read books (the list may or may not come)
learn some constellations
explore
visit alberta
build forts
boulder
drive the seadoo
learn cool recipes
cliffjump
volunteer
fix my tan
wear sundresses & floppy hats
have afternoon parties
picnic
kiss & hug

june21!

2006-06-21T18:44:00.000-07:00

happy summer!

sunburns and tanlines are where it's at. strategically buying $6 superstore tanktops to fix our current wifebeater goodlooks is always a treat and you know it's summer when your flipflopped feet are covered in dirt. i'm amped about all the good books and beach afternoons that await. today my boss said that we're going to start working only from 7am-1pm when it starts getting to 38 degrees next week. then it's to the beach as fast as the focus will carry us. as if this is actually my life.

jenna, i miss you.

+++

2006-06-19T21:34:00.000-07:00

here's how i've been. i've been thinking a lot about cross-stitching and about big round wicker chairs and about how different i always am. but always the same because nothing ever changes. i probably wiped that finger on someone.

neerg

2006-06-18T18:30:00.000-07:00

green is the colour of the sparklin' corn
in the morning when we rise
in the morning when we rise
that's the time, that's the time
i love the best

saturday night dance i like the way you move

2006-06-04T21:28:00.000-07:00

phase one.
bowling.

i play arcade games while i wait for them to show up. 75 cents later they appear and everyone looks nice and happy. we go bowling. we drink beer and the woman doesn't believe that my id is actually me. she lets me drink the beer anyway and we all dance to thunderstruck. i come in second last.

phase two.
prep.

brie and i are ready. we wait on the deck listening to the boy least likely to. i drink vex out of a glass. we have to be sneaky and quiet because there is a baby sleeping. i can't stop laughing. we wait in the parking lot at 7-11 and i draw pictures of us weeding. people tell funny stories and i'm already fairly drunk.

phase three.
strippers.

the stripper is fully naked and incredibly strong. people are talking to me all over the place. i sing along to nitty gritty dirt band with a guy from alberta. we talk about the prairie. drinks keep appearing in front of me. we make fun of the guys sitting along the stage. we're not much better. i want to dance but there's no room.

phase four.
gotcha.

we lie to boys about where we're going. we go to gotcha and get in for free. now we can dance. more drinks. free shots. lots of high fives. they dance, i jump around. they think i'm crazy. i dance with a boy who says that i am out of control. the girls laugh at me and i wish that we were going to mexico. people are pulling on me and then tanji grabs my hand and its off to the other dance floor. people are smoking and i am being a wild person. i'm hot and sweaty and i want to go swimming. they say we can go at 1:45.

phase five.
beach.

at 2:30 we finally organize to the beach. no one wants to go but i dance down there anyway. brie and i think we are lost but tanji answers her cell phone. i want to swim. no one believes me. then i'm in my underwear in the water. i am scared of the ogopogo and run out. i put my clothes back on and my wet underwear makes me soaked. it looks like i peed my pants and have huge pit stains. a boy shows up and lets us smoke a joint with him.

phase six.
denny's.

it is starting to get light out. we are hungry. we pile into gabie's car and drive to denny's. no, first we pick up regina mike's car. i get grilled cheese and a coke. we laugh a lot. i feel very young and immature. there is a flower necklace on my head and my hair is wet. my calves hurt. my eyes hurt. regina mike drives us home. i leave without paying. my parents are impressed at how sober/in control i am. i am a good faker.

phase seven.
morning.

i wake up. the first thought i have is "shit. i didn't pay." who does that? i feel very bad. i will pay for climbing tomorrow to make up for it. i'm not hungover. my cell phone keeps falling apart but at least it still works. i look at the pictures brie took. i look very happy in them. we are all smiles like we have been best friends forever. i will miss everyone when they leave.

sunnysunsun

2006-06-01T22:43:00.000-07:00

last night i was thinking a lot about the prairie. a girl i work with just moved to calgary from edmonton but grew up in kelowna. we talked about how people always tend to go back to where they came from. not everyone, but most people. she can't imagine settling down anywhere other than kelowna and i know that eventually, probably when i'm a lot older and have forgotten how passionately i fought to get away when i was 18, i'll go back to alberta. i have a prairie voice and i still find a huge stretch of farmland and an endless horizon more beautiful than any ocean or mountain range. i don't know why i think about this. maybe because i miss all of that, everything i had last summer. boohoo, i don't need to be a baby. but i just want to be. the good news is that my buddies here are cool and i have one of the best tans i've ever had in my life. all that weeding is good for something. so what if i look like wrinklyleatherskin when i'm 35? at least i'll look hot now.

really, come visit me. this house is too big for just the five of us and i will take you for drives to the beach in the focus - we can roll the windows down and turn the music up. i might even dance for you.

glove tan

2006-05-11T19:01:00.000-07:00

(only) ten things i like about my new job

1 the work (think: weeding, planting, pruning)
2 the people (think: nicest boss ever)
3 the hours (think: i make my own!)
4 the location (think: small, new vineyard in the okanagan valley)
5 the chickens/roosters (think: they roam free and cock-a-doodle-doo all day long)
6 the money (think: great pay for the work and for kelowna)
7 the sunshine (think: constant)
8 the after work showers (think: best feeling ever)
9 the drive (think: close to where i live)
10 the fridays (think: friday's pizza day, the best day of the week)

three things i don't like about my new job

1 glove tan
2 sock tan
3 t-shirt tan

hey gang. i'd like to tell you all the lovely things about kelowna but it would just be a long ramble about the awesomeness of my job. i get up early and work until 3 and then come home, shower and pass out on the couch because everything in my body aches. then i eat everything in my kitchen, hang out with my sisters and go to bed. taryn, you party animal you. but it's quite fun out here. the weather is fab, my sisters are brilliant buddies and my parents are ever accomodating to my vegetarian lifestyle. i even made one friend and we are going climbing on the weekend and to the beach! man, i am the best.

yes, life is good right now. the bf is coming out here, i've learned how to lessen the impact of the glove tan and the best frozen yogurt ever is only minutes from my house. don't worry, there will be updates on the hilarious awkwardness of having pete stay at my parent's house when they are out of town. i'm looking quite forward to any lectures or rules they may feel it necessary to make.

i realize that a lot of my sentences are like listing off things kinda. i'm sure there's a name for it but i'm not an english major so eff that. haha! just joking. well, i actually don't know the name of it. anyway. one time rj asked me if i could have three wishes what they would be and i think that one of them would be to view myself completely objectively. not like how great i look, because let's face it, we all know i look great (ha!), but mostly just how i write. it'd be interesting, at least.

time to go pass out in front of the tv. survivor, yeehaw. let's all root for cirie. she's the champ.

can't always be fight or flight

2006-04-23T17:52:00.000-07:00

today alie and i made our last trip to tim horton's. we drove home and noticed the mountains for the first time. oh, this funny island of ours. you are too good to us. i felt a little stab in my heart because i've been taking all of this for granted. i have been so focused on where i'm going that i haven't really considered what i'm leaving.

it's hard to articulate how i feel about being here. i love it with every single particle of my being, no matter how miserable i may sometimes seem (be?). i love that when i drive over the hill i can see the ocean and that all of the bunnies are growing up into independent little creatures. i love that two of my best buddies are never much more than a holler away. i love being able to turn on the light in the shower on my first try. i love being in school. i love the protection that being in school offers. my only concerns are due dates and how to make my allowance last the rest of the month. let's not kid ourselves, i am spoiled. but i liiiike it. i want more of it.

aha! who am i kidding? i am going to move back in with my parents and my mom will cook me dinner and fold my laundry when i forget it in the dryer. my dad will slip us $20 to buy frozen yogurts or movie tickets without us even asking. i will jump on my sisters beds in the morning and sneak attack my puppies with all of the kisses i have. there are those things too. this afternoon i told my mom that i hope to get into kelowna fairly early on tuesday so that i can get some suntanning in.

really, who cares? kelowna will be great because i want it to be great. but it's important that i remember and appreciate being here. i have learned a lot, experienced a lot (!!!), played a lot, stressed out a lot, and been continually amazed at how my life is going.

it is going very, very well.

i will miss you. i hope you all have spectacular summers of love. suntans and slurpees and hands to hold. yes please.

dang

2006-04-18T17:10:00.000-07:00

"only an undergraduate education" is the most disheartening phrase i've ever heard.

stoptalk

2006-04-10T15:37:00.000-07:00

my life, lately.
but i've only won twice.

a prep course in cool

2006-02-09T13:51:00.000-08:00

i call bullshit.
my english class was cancelled and i have no one to play frisbee with.

all of a sudden i have found myself with a block of time that is not meticulously scheduled.
blog time, okay.

jenna says that she reads my blog because she's hoping for some jenna&taryn stories.

so then i was reading back and i realized that i didn't really talk that much about the taryn&jenna phenomenon of the summer. and i think that has something to do with the fact that our summer wasn't a big blowout crazy madness shabang. it was subtle and unexpected and amazing.

mmk, righthip. this is how it went. i'm done work, i phone jenna. jenna is done school, she phones me. any moment of spare time? phone call. not even a text message, my friends. this is the real deal. then we would come up with a plan of action that would involve rollerblading or eating food or jumping on the trampoline or sitting around laughing. sometimes we would venture out beyond the regular comfort zone and go to rundle park or to myrnam or ikea or we would wander whyte ave aimlessly. yes, that's the general idea.

we even made a notebook to chronicle our adventures. few people are as cool as we are, that much is true. i try not to miss the summer too much because then it makes winter and school twice as hard, but this summer was amazing. basically, the weather was shitty the whole time and we were in sherwood park, but it's the people that make the place, no? basically, jenna made my summer. "the summer where all we have to think about is the right now. the summer that no one could have tried to plan any better."

oh and ps one time jenna punched me in the jaw and still doesn't believe me about it. we may have been too drunk to function as normal human beings (or we may not have been, i can't quite remember) but i know when i get hit in the jaw. and also, jenna was the one who dared me to smoke a cigarette. first and almost only. bad influence. and also, jenna was the one with a permanent address so she got a library card that i bummed off of her at every available opportunity. oh and also i do not get enough jenna time.

jenna is coming here soon and i wish it wasn't reading week so you guys could meet her instead of, you know, having lives of your own. although it probably wouldn't be too fun for you because it would just be us going "oh man! that was the awesomest time ever and we are so cool and we are friends and we are going to talk about all these people you don't know and places you've never been and make you feel left out!!!! we are so excited and having the best time ever and must overload on friendship and coolness!!"

but i am getting ahead of myself. pete is coming. he is on a plane right now. holy shit, he is on a plane right now.