gung-ho

so, i was all gung-ho about this idea i had. my 5-10 year plan. it involved years of teaching overseas, taking more courses, going to med school. all these huge aspirations. and then i started my practicum and, trust me this surprises no one more than it surprises me, it turns out i kinda like teaching. more than kinda like it. i am excited about it. i have energy. i want to make the best handouts and design the best lesson plans and channel all this newfound energy into inspiring my students. inspiring them to find the beauty in friar laurence's soliloquy, to master the set-shot, to be there on time.. and a gazillion other things we haven't got to yet. and bigger things than that, eventually, i hope. things beyond romeo & juliet, beyond bump-set-spike and beyond the classroom all together. i just feel inspired. like hey, this is what i am meant to be doing. i am good at this. people recognized it in me, but i never saw it in myself. and that is me, through and through, never satisfied with what i've got.

this is just not what i expected. it throws a serious wrench in the gears.

it makes me regret the last 3 years i spent simply getting through this degree. putting in my time. waiting for something better. because this is awesome. this is totally awesome. and now i don't know what i want to do.

this is a hypothetical situation that i have placed in front of myself.. what if they offered me a contract? a full time, 1.0, real deal contract. say it was a pe/english one. but i'd have to commit. i'd have to stay. no chinakenyaargentinanunavutindonesia next year. would i take it? i really don't know. today, right now, i think i would. i think i could. and that really changes everything.