life choices

i am getting an excellent on my practicum report. not a good or a satisfactory. an excellent! i didn't realize it was that big of a deal but apparently it will make all the difference if i ever want to get on the toc list in the district, or in any popular district for that matter. i honestly don't feel like i'm doing an excellent job. 90% of the time i feel like i am just flying by the seat of my pants. but i have fun. i am enthusiastic. it feels natural. and so i am getting an excellent. i'm glad it hasn't worn off, my initial love of teaching. i thought it might. i thought i might get into it and realize that it wasn't for me. it hasn't happened yet.

but.

i am nervous about this china thing. my interview is tomorrow and i just don't know. i would love to go, i mean come on, but it's a long time. it's far away. i like what i'm doing here. i like my life right now. i actually love my life right now. this isn't like me. i'm usually focused on the next best thing. so it's tricky to think about leaving it behind. but then again, once this practicum is done there isn't a lot to keep me here. my family, of course. the lake. the way it stays warm, in the summer, even after the sun sets. but there are no jobs here. i don't have a place. i do have a cat, the sweetest cat ever, but he has a home waiting for him. so. what to do. i just have the sense of urgency. i may not even get a job, but if i do, it'll be a quick decision. yes or no. and if i don't get it, where do i go? everyone says i should get on the list here, put in my time, there will be work for me, and see what happens in terms of getting a contract. but i've always said that's the last thing i want. but maybe it's not? i don't know. oh man. dilemmas.

thankfully, this is an exciting decision. oh do i want to go to china and make money and have crazy adventures or do i want to stay here, in one of the most beautiful places in the world? oh woe is me.

i'll keep you posted.